Hot girl summer

It’s that wonderful time of the year again: nature is in bloom, summer is in the air and hormones flourish like stoned kids on the banks of a lake. Time for me to cover up again: long jeans (not daisy dukes) and T-shirts that are one size too big so my boobs appear one size more petite.

Hot girl summer…

is a myth.

While cis guys are showing off their privileged nipples in the park,

am I determined to show as less skin as possible.

You: “Why Evvy? Have you changed your faith?

Me: “No…, but there is a great collection of reasons really. Two, to be precise. One being that I worry about my skin tags and since the doctor keeps pecking away at my skin like crows at a trash bucket, I prefer to not sunbathe like a Greek god.”

You: “And the other reason?”

Me: “Is that I don’t wanna draw in any unwanted attention.”

You: “Why’s that? Aren’t we all attention seekers wanting the world’s approval 24/7?”

Me: “Well yes, but unfortunately we still live in a world where women are objectified and sexualised based on practically anything they do, say and wear and I am not in the mood to ‘own’ any of my curves and hypnotising shapes if it endangers my safety in the streets. If I am one bare belly button away from an unwanted stare then I prefer to cover up.”

You: “But doesn’t it make more sense to not succumb to these sexist bullies? Isn’t it all the rage right now to own your body, be proud of it, to free the nipple instead of censuring it? If you are a true empowered person, you should bare up and not close up like a clam.”

Me: “Easy for you to say, you are just a made up voice in the back of my head. And what you just said is basically just a marketing ploy written up by 50 year old men, hashtagged by yoga crazy influencers on the world wide web. I don’t fall for that. You know what is all the rage right now?”

R A G E

My unbridled RAGE.

I’m fucking frantic and I’m not afraid to own THAT.

THAT’s why I have written a very angry E-mail to the powers that be,

telling them that,

And that I need a court hearing to implement a set of new laws ASAP.

You: “Ok… and what did they say?”

Me: “The hearing is happening today. In exactly 2 seconds.”

Official announcement:

THIS IS THE START OF THE COURT HEARING OF EVELIEN DELGOUFFE VERSUS THE PATRIARCHY.

Judge: Ms. Delgouffe, by the power invested in me, Oprah Winfrey, I will conduct this court hearing today. My cameo is sponsored by the foundation of royal runaway Prince Harry and my legal knowledge is gathered by binge-ing all of the seasons of the Meghan Markle featured tv-series ‘Suits’. If you choose to object, know that I have turned off the objection feature in this court hearing, you can always mimic any of the discontent you may be experiencing throughout this farce. Mimic if you understand:

Me:

Judge Oprah: Alright, I present to you today the two parties. On one side we have Ms. Delgouffe, as we all know. And on the other side we have the patriarchy. Let ‘s keep it short like a mini skirt on a hot summer’s day so that I can continue watching ‘Suits’ from the comfiness of my Prada Home couch.

Ms. Delgouffe please take the stand.

Me:

Me: “Thank you, Oprah. I would like to start by saying that throughout my entire existence I have felt unsafe, preyed upon and sexually intimidated/harassed by the majority of men. It started when I was an adolescent and it continues to happen even now that I am 32 years of age. This terror has had many guises. Sometimes it was disguised as good old fashioned misogyny from random and not so random men, sometimes it came from bosses and management figures being incredibly gaslighty using intimidation tactics to make me feel insignificant and inferior. Other times, and 80% of the time this happens all the time, it is just standard staring, groping, catcalling, slutshaming or the classic call to action of the vintage libido alpha male with a daddy hero complex: trying to win your trust before trying to get into your pants. I call it: the trust before thrust.”

Jury:

Me: “But I am here today to say: I forgive them.”

Judge Oprah: “Forgive??”

Me: “Yes, everything my patriarchal preyer-friends have done to me, I forgive. I even wanna go as far as saying that I understand and that I agree. Girls are brought to this world to be objectified, to be looked at, to be lusted after, to be controlled and dominated.”

Judge Oprah:

Judge Oprah: “So you don’t want to go against patriarchy and implement a set of new laws?”

Me:

Judge Oprah: “And what about you having an allergic reaction to the universe and what not?”

Me: “Well that was just me acting out. You know how girls are… hysterical.”

*general disgust fills the courtroom*

Judge Oprah: “Order! Order!”

“Ms. Delgouffe I am going to ask you one more time. Do you want to accuse patriarchy of age-old misconduct, if you do, now is your chance!”

Me:

Sudden interruption:

Judge Oprah: “Sir, now is not the time to raise your voice in here, patriarchy will get a chance to speak soon. Now it is Ms Delgouffe’s turn. And looking at how things develop: it seems your team is on the winning hand anyway.”

Interrupting man: “No! You don’t understand. I AM Ms. Delgouffe!”

Scared little boy:

Me: “Everybody! Don’t believe that man!”

Me: “I’ve seen him shake hands with Trump.”

Judge Oprah: “Order! What is all this bull? Sir, please identify yourself! NOW!”

Interrupting man: “I am Evelien Delgouffe.”

“We switched bodies on Sunday the 13th. Some patriarchy hocus pocus. And here they are calling us witches and burning us on the stake!”

Random patriarchy member:

“Ms. Delgouffe you are a fucking piece.”

Judge Oprah: “So what is the truth?”

Another unexpected cameo:

Judge Oprah: “Loki Laufeyson, your trial isn’t until another half an hour. Please go back in the hall and wait your turn.”

Judge Oprah: “So what do I do with you two?”

Interrupting man who is actually me:

Me who is actually not me:

The undisputed heroin of the cinematic multiverse steps in:

And we all know, that nothing exorcises a body snatcher better than Ripley!

Narrator’s voice:

And that’s how Ms Delgouffe got her body back. She now can go back from being physically possessed by patriarchy, to merely being mentally burdened by the legacy of being a woman in a male dominated world. New laws were not passed today and the war on gender bias and toxic masculinity is not yet won. But there is one little take-away from today. Given by an attentive spectator in the court halls. A personal message to Ms. Delgouffe to

To be continued:

XO

Today marks the 1 month anniversary of the release of ‘Mouth On Me’ on Spotify and Bandcamp. A foul-mouthed ballad, an ode to the dead-end job, a morning mantra against toxic corporate culture, but above all a melodic ‘accident de parcours’ created in a bedroom in Berlin. Writing this song was a way for me to process some of the ongoing harassment I experience in my life. But this problem is not a one-song-fix, it is an ongoing battle to make this world a safer space for women, femmes and AFABs. Watch out for each other.

Peace out.

What the DRAG?! Why can’t I be a queen? 👑

“Ladies and genders,

rupaul seen it all

…But I can tell you, you have NOT. The purist drag queen community is shaking on its full coverage foundation since a girl from Belgium decided to turn her brain on and ask herself a fundamental question even Quora can’t answer:

Can anyone, and therefor also ME as a woman, be a drag queen?

Old-school drag purists: (Gag)

omg

Now this is how it all started…

Me: As you all know I, Evelien Delgouffe, am a woman of many faces and interests. I am interested in everything that lights a little spark in my eyes and makes me forget the mess that we as humans have to face on a daily basis. Yes, I like to live in a self (wo)manifested dream world.

Therefor I am a fan of movies, series, adventure, science fiction, comics, cosplay, fantasy creatures, make-up… etc!

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And since a while, my most favorite way to let off steam after a rough day is watching 1 or 10 episodes of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’. It’s a little hard to explain, but those men dressing up as  queens makes me feel good about myself.

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TV-show host and drag supermodel extraordinaire: RuPaul!

You: “Ahm… About yourself Evvy?”

Me: “Well yeah, whenever I watch an episode of RuPaul I feel a small change in my behavior. As if I’m suddenly sliding down a rainbow of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. Feeling good about myself and my womanhood.”

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I am also inspired by the different looks and how these queens carry themselves as almost alien like, supernatural creatures.

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… Vogue-ing, parading, skedaddling, lipsync-ing and even death dropping for their lives.

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… Topped with the occasional bitch fight of course.

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I decided to take my fascination to the next level and dive deeper into this magical world of drag.

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Since I am an investigative journalist (and not a ‘wannabe’ like my arch rival Lois Lane; she’s a drag but definitely not a queen…) I decided to do my research properly.

Now, asking the question ‘Can a women be a drag queen?’ turned out to be a stupid one since 1 search entry in Google taught me that women across the planet have been dressing up as drag queens (and I don’t mean drag kings, fyi) for many years.

Why didn’t I know?!

awkward

According to my good friend Google:Picture 2018-06-02 om 09.04.02

See? ‘Artists of all sexualities’. So it’s totally fine for women to dress up as drag queens too!

Well… not really.

To begin with. Female drag queens are nicknamed ‘faux queens’, which is not really a name to take pride in.

Further research taught me there’s actually an ongoing vitriol surrounding female drag queens. Old-school drag purists don’t like women to act or perform as drag queens at all and even boycot them.

You: “If men dress up as women…Doesn’t it make more sense for women to dress up as men… in order to bypass that nasty ‘faux queen’ nickname?”

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Me: “Well yeah, but for me, aesthetics-wise, it is much more interesting to dress up as a drag queen and explore new depths of my femininity.”

Old-school drag purists: “But why would a woman want to parody a woman? It’s a complete oxyoxymo…. a complete TRAVESTY!”

stop immediately

 Me: “Look errr… girl… That’s just one transvestite calling another transvestite a transvestite… You know, you really shouldn’t put people into boxes like that.”

square

Me: While let’s face it: drag queens would be nowhere without women AMMARIGHT?”

Old-school drag purists:

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Doing this research I suddenly realized that the idea only man can be drag queens is unfortunately also promoted by my favorite TV show. In ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ only male identified drags can compete. Faux queens are not welcome. Transsexuals neither. #Dafuq?

condragulations

I wondered what RuPaul’s opinion on the topic of faux queens was. Does he actually support ladies in drag? Or not? Big was my grief when I discovered an interview of RuPaul with The Guardian in 2017 where he made the following statement:

RuPaul: “Drag loses its sense of danger and its sense of irony once it’s not men doing it, because at its core it’s a social statement and a big F-you to male-dominated culture. So for men to do it, it’s really punk rock, because it’s a real rejection of masculinity.”

Old-school drag purists:

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In the meantime RuPaul has publicly changed his opinion on the topic but still, coming from an LGBTQ ambassador, it was quite a controversial thing to say. Why should drag queen-ing be a ‘men-only’ sport?

Old-school drag purists:

Bianca_olhos

“I’m sorry Miss Delgouffe but we have to stop you right there: why would you even bother to do drag up? Why would you emulate what you AL-READY are? What is the illusion???”

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Me: “I’m pretty sure when I cover my eyebrows with a glue stick and draw on new ones, that’s called an illusion…”

bianca

Old-school drag purists: “Funny how women always depend on men to give the right example.”

RPDR-Valentina-Thinking

silence

RuPaul: “The time has come for you to form a conclusion, Evelien.”

Me: “Well hang on RuPaul, let me just call up a dear friend of mine to close this case on my behalf…”

how this turns out

*Drrrriiiiiiiing driiiiiingg*

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Me: “Miss G, I urgently need your help on something. Could you come to RuPaul’s ‘Werk Room’ real quick?”

(5 min later)

gaga werk room

Me: “Queens, I present to you the only woman who has ever been really accepted for performing as a drag queen. Bow down for the one and only…. LADY GAGA!!!”

ladygaga

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Me: “Now that I have all you queens’ attention. I would like to let this marvelous artist explain to you what drag, regardless of gender, is all about to her:

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(Thank you hellogiggles.com for the nice layout of this immortal Lady Gaga quote)

Me: “See? We are all looking to fill up voids in our lives. Whether it’s with money or with glitter. We are all eager to lift ourselves to the most fabulous echelons of whatever universe we want to belong to. Faux queens or real queens, in drag there is no room for misogyny, sexism nor racisme.”

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“It’s about expressing what femininity means to us and defying sex-role stereotypes. It’s about art and performance. Whether it’s political, aesthetical or just satirical or for entertainment purposes. It shouldn’t be a ‘boys only club’ since we have so much to learn form each other.”

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“Let us try to see drag as ‘genderless’ until it becomes the new norm and (meno)pause this ongoing bitch fight right here.”

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“Or to say it with the words of a wise wo-man:”

love

Me: “Heu…well thanks Momma Ru, but I actually meant that other thing you always say…”

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EEEEEEEEEEEEXACTLY

Now can I get an Amen up in here?

mother ru approves

Disclaimer:
This blog post was a sponsored feel good message brought to you by ‘I don’t give a Tuck’. You can be a beautiful individual no matter what. Appearance and good looks are mostly a matter of behavior and perception. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then add on as many illusions as you want until YOU, the beholder in the mirror, finally feels comfortable with what you see…PS: The Kardashians do it every day.

bianca kardashian

After publishing this blog only one drag queen has decided to take a step back (…)

miss vanjie

…But now that the rest of the purist drag community has opened the boundaries, all ‘femme bodied individuals who want to try on drag every once and a while, for real or just for fun’ are more than welcome to play along! 

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As for me, I thought about where drag will take me. Since ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ maybe isn’t that representative for my understanding of the drag art, I will take my interest just a tiiiiiiiiiny step further….

…By going to a show in my local area and hope someone mistakes me for a real guy!

😱

To be continued?

All in favor say AAAYE!

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XO