What the DRAG?! Why can’t I be a queen? ūüĎĎ

“Ladies and genders,

rupaul seen it all

…But I can tell you, you have NOT. The purist drag queen community is shaking on its full coverage foundation since a girl from Belgium decided to turn her brain on and ask herself a fundamental question even Quora can’t answer:

Can anyone, and therefor also ME as a woman, be a drag queen?

Old-school drag purists: (Gag)

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Now this is how it all started…

Me: As you all know I, Evelien Delgouffe, am a woman of many faces and interests. I am interested in everything that lights a little spark in my eyes and makes me forget the mess that we as humans have to face on a daily basis. Yes, I like to live in a self (wo)manifested dream world.

Therefor I am a fan of movies, series, adventure, science fiction, comics, cosplay, fantasy creatures, make-up… etc!

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And since a while, my most favorite way to let off steam after a rough day is watching 1 or 10 episodes of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’. It’s a little hard to explain, but those men dressing up as¬† queens makes me feel good about myself.

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TV-show host and drag supermodel extraordinaire: RuPaul!

You: “Ahm… About yourself Evvy?”

Me: “Well yeah, whenever I watch an episode of RuPaul I feel a small change in my behavior. As if I’m suddenly sliding down a rainbow of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. Feeling good about myself and my womanhood.”

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I am also inspired by the different looks and how these queens carry themselves as almost alien like, supernatural creatures.

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… Vogue-ing, parading, skedaddling, lipsync-ing and even death dropping for their lives.

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… Topped with the occasional bitch fight of course.

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I decided to take my fascination to the next level and dive deeper into this magical world of drag.

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Since I am an investigative journalist (and not a ‘wannabe’ like my arch rival Lois Lane; she’s a drag but definitely not a queen…) I decided to do my research properly.

Now, asking the question ‘Can a women be a drag queen?’ turned out to be a stupid one since 1 search entry in Google taught me that women across the planet have been dressing up as drag queens (and I don’t mean drag kings, fyi)¬†for many years.

Why didn’t I know?!

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According to my good friend Google:Picture 2018-06-02 om 09.04.02

See? ‘Artists of all sexualities’.¬†So it’s totally fine for women to dress up as drag queens too!

Well… not really.

To begin with. Female drag queens are nicknamed ‘faux queens’, which is not really a name to take pride in.

Further research taught me there’s actually an ongoing vitriol surrounding female drag queens. Old-school drag purists don’t like women to act or perform as drag queens at all and even boycot them.

You: “If men dress up as women…Doesn’t it make more sense for women to dress up¬†as men… in order to bypass that nasty ‘faux queen’ nickname?”

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Me: “Well yeah, but for me, aesthetics-wise, it is much more interesting to dress up as a drag queen and explore new depths of my femininity.”

Old-school drag purists: “But why would a woman want to parody a woman? It’s a complete oxyoxymo…. a complete TRAVESTY!”

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¬†Me: “Look errr… girl… That’s just one transvestite calling another transvestite a transvestite… You know, you really shouldn’t put people into boxes like that.”

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Me:¬†While let’s face it: drag queens would be nowhere without women AMMARIGHT?”

Old-school drag purists:

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Doing this research I suddenly realized that the idea only man can be drag queens is unfortunately also promoted by my favorite TV show. In ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’¬†only male identified drags can compete. Faux queens are not welcome. Transsexuals neither. #Dafuq?

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I wondered what RuPaul’s opinion on the topic of faux queens was. Does he actually support ladies in drag? Or not? Big was my grief when I discovered an interview of RuPaul with The Guardian in 2017 where he made the following statement:

RuPaul: ‚ÄúDrag loses its sense of danger and its sense of irony once it‚Äôs not men doing it, because at its core it‚Äôs a social statement and a big F-you to male-dominated culture. So for men to do it, it‚Äôs really punk rock, because it‚Äôs a real rejection of masculinity.‚ÄĚ

Old-school drag purists:

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In the meantime RuPaul has publicly changed his opinion on the topic but still, coming from an LGBTQ ambassador, it was quite a controversial thing to say. Why should drag queen-ing be a ‘men-only’ sport?

Old-school drag purists:

Bianca_olhos

“I’m sorry Miss Delgouffe but we have to stop you right there: why would you even bother to do drag up? Why would you emulate what you AL-READY are? What is the illusion???”

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Me: “I’m pretty sure when I cover my eyebrows with a glue stick and draw on new ones, that’s called an illusion…”

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Old-school drag purists: “Funny how women always depend on men to give the right example.”

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silence

RuPaul: “The time has come for you to form a conclusion, Evelien.”

Me: “Well hang on RuPaul, let me just call up a dear friend of mine to close this case on my behalf…”

how this turns out

*Drrrriiiiiiiing driiiiiingg*

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Me: “Miss G, I urgently need your help on something. Could you come to RuPaul’s ‘Werk Room’ real quick?”

(5 min later)

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Me: “Queens, I present to you the only woman who has ever been really accepted for performing as a drag queen. Bow down for the one and only…. LADY GAGA!!!”

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Me: “Now that I have all you queens’ attention. I would like to let this marvelous artist explain to you what drag, regardless of gender, is all about to her:

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(Thank you hellogiggles.com for the nice layout of this immortal Lady Gaga quote)

Me: “See? We are all looking to fill up voids in our lives. Whether it’s with money or with glitter. We are all eager to lift ourselves to the most fabulous echelons of whatever universe we want to belong to. Faux queens or real queens, in drag there is no room for misogyny, sexism nor racisme.”

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“It’s about expressing what femininity means to us and defying sex-role stereotypes. It’s about art and performance. Whether it’s political, aesthetical or just satirical or for entertainment purposes. It shouldn’t be a ‘boys only club’ since we have so much to learn form each other.”

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“Let us try to see drag as ‚Äėgenderless‚Äô until it becomes the new norm and (meno)pause this ongoing bitch fight right here.”

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“Or to say it with the words of a wise wo-man:”

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Me: “Heu…well thanks Momma Ru, but I actually meant that other thing you always say…”

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EEEEEEEEEEEEXACTLY

Now can I get an Amen up in here?

mother ru approves

Disclaimer:
This blog post was a sponsored feel good message brought to you by ‘I don’t give a Tuck’.¬†You can be a beautiful individual no matter what. Appearance and good looks are mostly a matter of behavior and perception. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then add on as many illusions as you want until YOU, the beholder in the mirror, finally feels comfortable with what you see…PS: The Kardashians do it every day.

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After publishing this blog only one drag queen has decided to take a step back (…)

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…But now that the rest of the purist drag community has opened the boundaries, all¬†‘femme bodied individuals who want to try on drag every once and a while, for real or just for fun’ are more than welcome to play along!¬†

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As for me, I thought about where drag will take me. Since ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ maybe isn’t that representative for my understanding of the drag art, I will take my interest just a tiiiiiiiiiny step further….

…By going to a show in my local area and hope someone mistakes me for a real guy!

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To be continued?

All in favor say AAAYE!

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XO

 

 

Everything you need to know about STAR WARS in exactly 6.000 words

(*** Caution: this post consists of 0,5% silly wordplay, 0,5% nudity and 99% spoilers)

Has it ever happened to you that you totally unexpectedly meet a person with whom you have ridiculously many things in common, almost getting the feeling as if the Universe was plotting to unite you all along. The feeling of absolute bliss and understanding, the feeling of utter completeness, the sound of angels singing and happy bells ringing.

But then, all of a sudden, a big obstacle the size of a second Death Star arises?

(…)

This is what is happening to me… I have met a SUPER DUPER GREAT person, but there is one big obstacle…

The force isn’t strong in this one.

He doesn’t like Star Wars…

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I swore I would never get involved with someone who doesn’t like this mega awesome saga but sometimes you can’t always get what you want…

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Since he doesn’t like it *kuch* (LOSER) and I am obviously very passionate about it, I want us to share this interest, even if it’s just a little and I want to see if I can train him into becoming a Jedi Geek just in time for the 14th of December.

Him: “What’s the 14th of December?”

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For him it’s just a regular day of the year. And this is exactly what needs to change in his feeble little brain because the 14th of December is the day all STAR WARS geeks (at least in Germany and the UK) are living for. It is our Christmas, New Year, Easter and birthday combined. It is the day Episode VIII: THE LAST JEDI arrives in theaters.

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You: “So why doesn’t he like Star Wars, Evvy?”

Ha! I guess he doesn’t want to jump on the mega mainstream train. Or something went terribly wrong in his childhood… BUT he likes comic books so there is a little REY of NEW HOPE that the FORCE can be AWAKENED. (See how I just made a triple Star Wars reference? Anyone?)

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Even though he might be a ‘loser’, he’s not a lost cause.¬†I just need to use the right Jedi mind tricks to tickle his Star Wars interest. So far I came up with:

  • A gorgeously hot woman in a golden bikini

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  • Kick-ass action sequences
  • Funny droids
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  • Aspirational characters like Han Solohowareyou.gif
  • A ‚̧ storywalkingcarpet
  • A walking carpet
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  • A general sense of understanding of life and the importance of staying on the right track => certain schools actually teach Star Wars philosophy classes!!!
  • … Ahm… Merchandised popcorn?

I will continue to explain him that if he opens his mind to this wonderful universe he will be enchanted by its depths, he will be able to connect with like minded people, he won’t feel so left out anymore in daily conversations, he won’t feel as if he is missing out and he will understand TV shows much better:¬†Friends, That 70’s Show, Family Guy, Big Bang Theory… ¬†They all make references to Star Wars and there’s nothing more frustrating than missing the joke.

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Also. And this applies for every not yet Star Wars fan: You can run but you can’t hide. Considering the pace with which Walt Disney is refueling the Star Wars craze (they have just announced AN OTHER trilogy) the Force will probably haunt you until the end of your days. If you can’t beat them -and believe me you can’t- then there’s only one thing left to do: TO JOIN THEM.

Ok so let’s commence the training!

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away 

Every Star Wars film starts with yellow letters floating into outer space. This is called: the opening crawl.  It basically unravels a background story in a couple of seconds, opening the floor to whatever is about to happen next. It enables you, the viewer, to be sucked into the action straight away instead of having to endure 1 hour of film before you come to the good part.

I made a little opening crawl just for you. Click here!

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What’s quite extraordinary is that the very first Star Wars movie (Episode IV: ‘A New Hope’) starts somewhere in the middle of the big Star Wars narrative. Without any character or scenic introduction the yellow letters inform us that the Rebel Alliance have stolen plans from the Death Star in order to destroy the Galactic Empire and bring peace to the Galaxy where …

Him: “STOOOOOOOP!”

Me:
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Don’t freak out. When the yellow letters rolled over the screen the first time in 1977 no one knew what the Death Star was or how the Galaxy looked like. You will get there! … But maybe I can’t jump to the plot line just yet….

Let’s go through some fundamentals first. In order to understand Star Wars you have to get an insight in its time line as it’s a little tricky with the different trilogies, episodes and spin offs.

The important thing to know is that:

Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope¬†chronologically is the FOURTH film out of the series even though it’s the FIRST one that was ever made. Released in May 1977. 40 years ago to be precise.

Let’s jump into history-hyperspace for a quick second:

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Writing the 1970’s. President Nixon had just burnt his hands on the Watergate scandal, many people withdrew from politics altogether and turned from a hippie way of life to a pop culture‚Äďeasy lifestyle. They listened to 8-track tapes of Jackson Browne, Olivia Newton-John, Donna Summer and Marvin Gaye and smoked even more pot than they had in the 1960s. In general, by the end of the 70’s, many young people were using their hard-fought freedom to simply do as they pleased: to wear what they wanted, to grow their hair long, to have sex, to do drugs. Their liberation, in other words, is intensely personal -especially once the ‘personal computer’ finds its way to the people, which changed lives drastically- and science fiction finds its way into cinema.

People hear about¬†‘this far out movie’ being released in their nearest (drive in) cinema directed by ‘this guy named George Lucas’. It is¬†described being a ‘space opera’.¬†The people don’t really know what to expect but the movie poster shows some crazy cool glowing sword and a girl with cinnamon spice buns as a hair do. Totally revolutionary!

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Even though the science fiction genre was -at this time- not very popular and a lot of movie distributors turned Lucas’ story down. It’s even been said that when Lucas showed the film to Spielberg and De Palma they were pretty much disappointed. Or potentially jealous? The first movie, however, was an unexpected box office success turning Star Wars into a pop culture phenomenon in no time. It captured imaginations with an irresistible force and had a huge effect on the film industry later on.

C3PO PEOPLE

Catch the joke: a robot on the cover of PEOPLE

The first ever blockbuster was born and stayed record holder until E.T. decided to phone home and win the audience’s heart over in 1982.

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Remeber when E.T. bumps into a Yoda costume during trick or treating and refers to him as ‘Home’?

Two sequels followed: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) and Return of the Jedi (1983) making it into a trilogy. Throughout these three movies (respectively referred to as Episodes IV, V and VI) there are three important protagonists, played by three young performers who were instantly catapulted to superstardom.

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  • Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher), => Even though she passed away in 2016, she will continue to stay Princess Leia (aka the golden bikini girl) for all eternity. She will appear in Episode VIII for the last time.
  • Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), => He is the farm boy with the light saber. The franchise hero. This guy is a god. He will also appear in Episode VIII. Potentially for the last time?
  • and Han Solo (Harrison Ford)¬†=> He is the good looking cool guy with the space ship (Millennium Falcon) and the walking carpet (Chewbacca). Thanks to Star Wars he landed the part of Indiana Jones and went on to become one of Hollywood’s finest actors. He will still play a small role in Episode VIII but more on that later as I don’t want to give away toooooo many spoilers at once.

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    Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg on the set of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Again E.T. is present. Not referring to the Indian guy in the back.

16 years after the very first trilogy, another trilogy was made. Again directed by -the at this point very famous- George Lucas. This trilogy, however, was not a sequel but a prequel. The prequel trilogy describes what had taken place over 32 years before the events of Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope and primarily focuses on a young Darth Vader originally known as Anakin Skywalker (played by Jake Lloyd and later Hayden Christensen) and a young Obi-Wan Kenobi (played by Ewan McGregor). It was the last trilogy to be distributed by 20th Century Fox.

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Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) was the first of the three.

OK brace yourself. Remember I mentioned E.T. before? Well… watch this little clip¬†from ‘The Phantom Menace’ and prepare to have your MIND BLOWN! => This is why E.T. recognizes Yoda in Spielberg’s blockbuster.¬†

Two more films followed: Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002) and Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005). These movies basically tell everything that happened until Episode IV.

Well yeah ALMOST everything, since the very recent spin-off ‘Rogue One’ (2016) also takes place before the first trilogy.

Him: “STOOOOOOOOP!!”

Me:That-70s-show-star-wars

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Me: “Ok then try to replace the light sabers with something you like, for instance … Errrr… French baguettes! And let’s go over it again in a nutshell.”

 

You have the original trilogy => Where the glowing sword and the cinnamon spice buns play quite a big part. Three movies that CHANGED the life of people all over the world until this very day => 16 years later another trilogy was established to reveal the history of the first trilogy that DIDN’T CHANGE the life of people all over the world since it kinda sucked => But the¬†brand new trilogy (VII, VIII, IX) which follows the original trilogy (IV, V, VI) brings back the sentimental feelings the original trilogy brought to this world now 40 years ago.

Bear with me darling. It’s about to get better.

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Let’s go through some fundamental lexicon:

THE SITH vs THE JEDI
Shit… AHM, I mean ‘Sith’ are basically the bad Jedi. They are overcome with hate. Jedi like Obi-Wan, Yoda and Luke Skywalker are good knights who use¬†the metaphysical power of the Force to guard justice in the galaxy. They greet each other by saying: “May the force be with you”.

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Ok then what is THE FORCE?
As Obi-Wan states himself in 1977‚Äôs Episode IV, A New Hope: ‚ÄúThe Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and¬†penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together‚ÄĚ. ¬†The Force is mystical energy inside everything that can be controlled by certain people and is often said to be inspired by Taoist philosophy. Just like yin and yang, you have a light side and a dark side and they constantly interact with each other. On each side you also have masters/lords and apprentices. Darth Vader is the pupil of Lord Sidius (Emperor). Kylo Ren is the pupil of Emperor Snoke. Luke Skywalker was the pupil of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda.

***

Let’s start chronologically:

What you ABSOLUTELY need to know about the first TRILOGY (these are the basics my friend):

  • The trilogy has 3 famous protagonists: Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa and Han Solo
    These are the good guys. Well, Han Solo at first doesn’t appear to be a good guy, he is a rogue, but eventually he turns out to become a hero. He flies the ‘Millennium Falcon’, which is a space ship, together with his BFF and co-pilot Chewbacca aka Chewie aka the walking carpet. He is a 7-foot-tall Wookiee, a hairy, bipedal mammal who only makes gurgling noises.¬†The two encounter Luke and Obi-Wan, a Jedi master, in a cantina in A New Hope¬†and go on to join them, and later Leia, in Rebel attacks against the evil¬†Empire. Luke has his own reasons to seek justice because his aunt and uncle -his legal guardians- were killed by the Empire.

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  • There are -of course- antagonists too¬†
    Darth Vader is the most famous one. But also Senator Palpatine (also known as Darth Sidious or the Emperor). They master the dark side of the Force and want to control the Galaxy.

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Senator Palpatine before and after his make over into The Emperor / Lord Sidius #plasticsurgerygonewrong

Jabba The Hutt is also an antagonist. He is the most powerful crime boss on Tatooine, who has a bounty on Han Solo’s head in ‘Episode VI: Return of the Jedi‘.

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Flattering character

  • The Death Star is the Empire’s ultimate weapon
    A huge spherical space station over 100 kilometers in diameter capable of destroying a planet with one shot of its superlaser. The Death Star is a very powerful and threatening piece of imagery throughout the saga. This space station is also populated by Imperial Storm Troopers. They are the troops of the Galactic Empire.

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    => The Death Star evolution:
    1. In Episode II the Death Star plans are being handed to Darth Sidious by Darth Tyranus.
    2. In Episode III the Death Star is under construction.
    3. In Episode IV the Death Star is operational but gets destroyed by the Rebel Alliance right after it blows up Aldaaran, the home planet of Princess Leia.
    4. In Episode VI a second and much bigger Death Star is being constructed but gets destroyed as well by the end of that movie.

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  • Luke Skywalker is Darth Vader’s son!¬†
    If there is any quote from the movie you know, it’s probably : ‘Luke, I am your father’.no
    These famous words are being spoken by Darth Vader at the end of ‘Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back’ and is until now known to be one of the biggest plot turns in history! Vader wants Luke to join him on the dark side to rule the Empire but Luke refuses since he’s a good guy. They get caught in a sweet light saber duel where Luke loses his hand but he finds a way to escape. One year later, after an intense training becoming a badass Jedi Knight, father and son Skywalker face each other again in the second Death Star. Luke defeats Vader and cuts off his hand in a revenge light saber match. The Emperor orders Luke to kill his father. Luke infuriates the Emperor because he refuses to do so. The Emperor tries to kill Luke but Vader intervenes and rescues his son by killing the Emperor. Vader eventually dies and Luke cremates him. The Empire is defeated. The people rejoice.
  • Luke and Leia are actually brother and sister
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    Luke doesn’t find out until ‘Episode VI The Jedi Returns‘ that Leia is his twin sister.¬†They were adopted by different families right after they were born. This causes a little bit of awkwardness since at first Luke crushes on Leia and they actually kiss in ‘The Empire Strikes Back‘. Yuk! But it was merely a trick pulled by Leia to make Han Solo jealous and eventually -after a lot of bickering- Han and Leia fall in love at the end of the third film. In ‘Episode VII The Force Awakens’ (2015) we find out that Leia and Han Solo actually have a child. A son called Kylo Ren. More on him later. And YES young Padawan (*): this means Princess Leia is Darth Vader’s daughter.leia and vader

(* a Padawan is a Force-sensitive adolescent who trained in the Jedi Order to one day become a full-fledged Jedi.)

  • Other important characters are:
    R2-D2 and C-3PO.
    Built by Anakin Skywalker, C-3PO was designed as a protocol droid¬†intended to assist in etiquette, customs and translation, boasting that he is “fluent in over six million forms of communication”. Along with his astromech droid¬†counterpart and friend R2-D2, C-3PO provides comic relief¬†within the narrative structure of the films.¬†C-3PO was strongly influenced by the Maschinenmensch¬†from Fritz Lang’s classic sci-fi film Metropolis, and played by British actor Anthony Daniels. Kenny Baker, a circus performer, got the role of R2-D2.¬†Standing as an adult at three foot, eight inches (1.12 meters), Baker was short enough to fit into the robot and strong enough to operate the heavy machinery a child would have not been able to do.droids
    Funny fact: While the film may show an unbreakable friendship between these two droids, the actors actually couldn’t stand each other and hardly talked to each other during filming. Baker passed away in 2016 aged 81 and got replaced by Scottish actor Jimmy Vee who will make his first credited appearance in Episode VIII this December.

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda.
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These are Jedi Masters and Luke becomes their apprentice. Yoda is that dyslectic little green goblin on the right. Instead of saying “We must destroy the Sith” he says: “Destroy the Sith we must”.¬†He is the most powerful of Jedi and dies at the end of Episode VI: Return of the Jedi at the blessed age of 900. Yoda plays a big part in the prequel episodes I, II, III since he is Obi-Wan’s master. Obi-Wan becomes Anakin Skywalker’s master until he turns into the evil Darth Vader. Kenobi then continues to train Luke Skywalker. Obi-Wan dies in the first film of the original trilogy (Episode IV) after a duel with Vader, his former apprentice. Instead of being cut into two he vanishes into thin air. A technique evolved by Obi-Wan and Yoda.

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What you ABSOLUTELY need to know about the SECOND TRILOGY:

  • N-O-T-H-I-N-G!
    Well that’s not entirely true. Let’s just say that the only thing you need to know is that the story evolves around Anakin Skywalker and his transition from being a young kid to becoming an adult and all the challenges related to it. The Force is very strong in him and he is believed to become a very promising Jedi. HOWEVER. When his mother gets brutally murdered, he¬†feels the pull of the dark side growing stronger in himself and his surroundings. He ends up killing a bunch of Jedi and turns into the evil Lord Darth Vader¬†(=> TAKE A MENTAL PICTURE: ANAKIN SKYWALKER IS DARTH VADER) 

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    His turn to the dark side happens right after he marries Queen Amidala (also known as ‘Padm√©’, played by Natalie Portman) and impregnates her. When she finds out Anakin is a baddie she slips into a critical condition. Obi-Wan confronts Vader.¬†The two engage in a duel which results in Vader suffering the loss of his limbs, severe burns, and damage to his lungs. ¬†=> THIS IS WHY VADER WEARS HIS MASK AND SUIT AND HAS TROUBLE BREATHING.¬†Obi-Wan leaves his longtime friend and former apprentice for dead but Sidious (The Emperor) rescues Vader and encases him in a life-support suit.

Queen Amidala dies in childbirth, and the Skywalker twins, Luke and Leia¬†are separated; Leia is adopted by Senator Bail Organa and his wife on Aldaaran. She grows up as a Princess and later on becomes a secret member of the Rebel Alliance.¬†C-3PO and R2-D2 are also in the custody of Bail Organa with C-3PO’s memory getting wiped in order to have the twins split-up and protected.¬†=> SO NO! C-3PO WAS NOT AWARE ANYMORE THAT LUKE AND LEIA WERE SIBLINGS WHEN HE SAW THEM KISSING

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Luke is taken in by his uncle and aunt on Tatooine but we all know what happens to them at the beginning of Episode IV …

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Roast beef anyone?

Kenobi disappears in exile on that same planet and from then on calls himself ‘Ben Kenobi’.¬†Luke, Leia and Kenobi discover each other in Episode IV A New Hope. They bundle forces in order to restore peace in the Galaxy since¬†Sidious and Vader succeeded in taking control of the Senate and later the galaxy forming the Galactic Empire. The two Sith oversee the construction of the first Death Star, a glimpse of the dark times to come.

I would suggest NOT to watch Episodes I, II, III but would advice to look for a re-cut instead.

Apparently Topher Grace (yep, Eric Forman from ‘That 70’s Show’) is such a big Star Wars fan he re-cut the three episodes into a 85 min film. That is the shortest Star Wars film ever made! He¬†showed the film publicly to about 50 people, but it’s not currently available to watch in any other way, likely due to copyright issues.

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Topher Grace playing Luke Skywalker in ‘That 70’s Show’

According to Slashfilm’s Peter Sciretta, who attended the screening, ‚ÄúTopher was able to completely tell the main narrative of Anakin Skywalker‚Äôs road from Jedi to the Sith,‚ÄĚ and continued by saying, ‚ÄúWhat‚Äôs better is that the character motivations are even more clear and identifiable, a real character arc not bogged down by podraces, galactic senates, Jar Jar Binks, politics or most of the needless parts of the Star Wars¬†prequels. It not only clarifies the story, but makes the film a lot more action-packed.‚ÄĚ

Or watch this clip where you basically learn everything you need to know about the prequels in 3 solid minutes .

And while you’re at it you might as well check this video (2015) too:

Of course this video doesn’t yet speak of the recent trilogy from which we’ve only seen ‘Episode VII: The Force Awakens’.

Therefor: What you ABSOLUTELY need to know about the THIRD TRILOGY:

  • It almost didn’t exist
    Chronologically ‘Episode VII The Force Awakens’ is set around 30 years after ‘Episode VI¬†Return of the Jedi’. Lucas originally planned a sequel trilogy in the mid-1970s, but had abandoned these plans by the late 1990s. The Walt Disney Company¬†acquired Lucasfilm in late 2012 and then announced the production of a sequel trilogy.¬†Unlike the previous two trilogies, whose films were released approximately three years apart, the sequel films are planned to be released two years apart. ‘Episode VIII The Last Jedi’¬†is set for release this December, with Rian Johnson¬†as screenwriter and director. Episode IX was to be directed by ‘Jurassic World’ director Colin Trevorrow but he¬†departed from the project. Shortly after, it was announced that Abrams would return to direct the film.¬†It is scheduled to be released on December 20, 2019.
  • It’s still very much a family affair (but maybe the last Skywalker one)
    It is very clear that STAR WARS has always been a¬†family affair (siblings kissing, father issues, children watching their parents die, a repetitive history of orphanage and exile, …) This road continues in the recent trilogy where Kylo Ren (Adam Driver), the son of Princess Leia and Han Solo, steps into the footsteps of his grandfather Darth Vader.
Kylo_Ren_Vader_Helmet_Chamber

Grand daddy issues…

Kylo Ren continues Vader’s legacy by setting up ‘The First Order’, a new collective of bad guys with the help of Supreme Leader Snoke (his mentor).

snoke

Snoke

FUN FACT! Snoke is being played by Andy Serkis who you may know as that other ugly creature…¬†

gollumgif

Gollum

Just like with the original trilogy there is another father-son face off in ‘Episode VII The Force Awakens’, only this time resulting in the tragic death of one of Star War’s most loved characters: Han Solo. It’s all just a little bit of galactic history repeating ¬†but of course the fans love it. It captures the original Star Wars spirit where the prequel failed to do so.

  • There is a new Death Star and a new R2-D2 in ‘The Force Awakens’
    More history repeating!
  • > Starkiller Base
    starkiller base
    Starkiller Base was a mobile,¬†forested iceplanet that was turned into a base operated by The First Order looking very similar to the Death Star. It got destroyed at the end of ‘The Force Awakens’ by the good guys.
  • >¬†Meet¬†BB8
    BB8
    In ‘Episode VII The Force Awakens’¬†the ball-shaped BB-8 droid gets introduced.¬†In the film, the robot is the astromech¬†of the Resistance X-wing fighter¬†pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac).¬†Poe entrusts him with a map that must be delivered to the Resistance headquarters in order to determine the whereabouts of Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker.¬†While Poe is captured and interrogated by the sinister First Order¬†commander Kylo Ren, BB-8 flees across the desert of the planet Jakku¬†and finds sanctuary with the plucky scavenger Rey.¬†Eventually Rey, the renegade stormtrooper Finn, Han Solo and Chewbacca ¬†bring BB-8 to Resistance leader Leia Organa, and ultimately reunite him with Poe. ¬†=> This story echoes the story of ‘Episode IV A New Hope’ where Princess Leia hides the plans to destroy the Death Star inside R2-D2¬†along with a holographic¬†recording. R2-D2 flees to the planet Tatooine together with protocol droid C-3PO in order to bring the plans to Obi-Wan Kenobi but bump into Luke Skywalker first. From there on the saga begins.

    helpmeobiwan

  • Emancipation is a big thing now
    Aha! Finally something different. Luke Skywalker has always been the franchise’s hero and has now been dethroned by a woman. Not a princess, but rather a ‘female Han Solo type Jedi heroin’ named Rey (Daisy Ridley) who was left by her parents when she was a child. Much of her past and familial lineage is shrouded in mystery. And thus THE BIG QUESTION that keeps itching fans’ brains is: Who are Rey’s parents? According to director¬†J.J. Abrams :¬†“Rey’s parents are not in Episode VII The Force Awakens, so I can’t possibly say in this moment who they are. But I will say it is something that Rey thinks about, too.”

    Is Abrams just trying to throw fans off the scent of Rey’s real parents? The current online theories go from Rey being Luke Skywalker’s daughter to Kylo Ren’s sister, to being willed to life through an immaculate conception, to being the daughter of a new character played by Benicio del Toro, to being Obi-Wan Kenobi’s daughter, … More on that in this very interesting/entertaining read.

=> Personal note : Rey being Luke’s daughter could be the most obvious and therefor boring plot line but, nonetheless, makes the most sense. The original idea was that STAR WARS was going to be about three generations. You’d have the original trilogy, then go back to Luke’s father and find out what happened to him and if there was another seventh, eighth or ninth film, it would be about Luke’s children. However, Lucas changed his mind off and on. As announced by Lucasfilm, this recent trilogy also would mean the end of most of the existing Star Wars expanded universe, in order to give “maximum creative freedom to the filmmakers and also preserve an element of surprise and discovery for the audience”.

LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!

Who are Rey’s parents? What happened to Luke these past decades? Will Kylo Ren move to the light side of the Force?¬†WHO IS THE LAST JEDI AND DOES THIS MEAN THE END OF THE JEDI ORDER???

What we know about ‘Episode VIII: The Last Jedi’ so far is that¬†the action picks up immediately after the events of 2015’s ‘Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens’¬†which ended with the film’s heroine Rey (Daisy Ridley) coming face-to-face with an elderly Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), now living a life of monastic solitude on a planet called¬†Ahch-To.

Star-Wars-Force-Awakens-Alternate-Ending

The only information IMDB cares to share is the following:
Having taken her first steps into the larger Jedi world, Rey joins Luke Skywalker on an adventure with Leia, Finn and Poe that unlocks mysteries of the Force and secrets of the past.

Details about the plot are being kept under wraps, but director¬†Rian Johnson has hinted that the film will be a war film, explaining that its¬†tone was influenced by¬†Second World War classics ‘Bridge on the River Kwai’ and ‘Twelve O‚ÄôClock High’. “Particularly Twelve O‚ÄôClock High, a lot of that made it in there,” he said in July.¬†“It ended up being a really personal part of it.‚ÄĚ

Be prepared for some surprising plot twists. And potential kill offs… The¬†Star Wars screenwriters have never been afraid of going all ‘Game Of Thrones’ and killing off main characters. Think of Obi-Wan, Yoda, Darth Vader, Han, … I can only imagine more favorite characters are likely to die. Possibly Luke Skywalker since the next trilogy (it has just been announced that Episodes X, XI and XII are coming) will move on from the Skywalker family. But then again, this is merely personal speculation.

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14 REASONS WHY Episode VIII will be another box office smashing blockbuster. THESE ARE THE FACTS: 

  1. It’s tradition:¬†Star Wars is one of the most intergenerational movies in the history of cinema. Passed on from father/mother to son/daughter (trying not to be stereotypical here)
  2. It’s all about reconnecting to a lost childhood. #nostalgia!
  3. The movie¬†trailer broke records. This is the first time people were actually aware of a trailer being able to do that. The clip shows Luke training Rey to use her Force powers on his rocky mountain outcrop, before telling her¬†“I only know one truth ‚Äď it’s time for the Jedi to end.” WATCH IT HERE
  4. There are too many questions that need answers ASAP. For instance: WHO IS THE LAST JEDI? Conveniently, Rian Johnson cleared this up speaking to the New York Times in September, he said the title referred to Skywalker, but added that there might be “wiggle room” for other interpretations.¬†‚ÄúLuke Skywalker, right now, is the last Jedi. There‚Äôs always wiggle room in these movies ‚Äď everything is from a certain point of view ‚Äď but coming into our story, he is the actual last of the Jedi. And he has removed himself and is alone on this island, for reasons unknown.‚ÄĚ
  5. It will be the last time you’ll see old school heroes Carrie Fischer and Harrison Ford. *SNIF*¬†The film will include a funeral for Han Solo, who was killed by his son Kylo Ren in ‘The Force Awakens’. Fisher will appear as Princess Leia one last time as all her scenes had been filmed¬†by the time of her death in December 2016.
  6. These are films you just have to watch on the big screen.
  7. The Lucasfilm advertising machine¬†promises us a mind blowing, not to miss, experience. Already interviewed in 2012 after the announcement of the new trilogy, Lucas biographer Dale Pollock already said that he had, in the 1980s, read the outlines to 12 Star Wars¬†episodes planned by Lucas, but had been required to sign a confidentiality agreement.¬†Pollock said:¬†“The three most exciting stories were 7, 8 and 9. They had propulsive action, really interesting new worlds, new characters. I remember thinking, ‘I want to see these 3 movies.'”
  8. There are going to be more movies coming so you might as well jump on the train pronto if you don’t want to be left behind.
  9. It’s already a pretty sure thing that ‘Episode VIII: The Last Jedi’ will be a piece of brilliant work otherwise Lucasfilm would have never commit to hiring director Rian Johnson to helm a¬†whole new trilogy (X, XI, XII) if they weren‚Äôt impressed with his work. One more reason to be excited about this latest development!
  10. RED FLAG: Something HUGE is about to happen. It is said that this 3rd trilogy will be the last one focussing on the Skywalker family. And chances are pretty real the makers won’t wait until Episode IX to begin this big shift. The red letters are a major RED FLAG!

 

This isn‚Äôt the first time the yellow logo has changed to red for a movie ‚ÄĒ both ‘Return of the Jedi’ and ‘Revenge of the Sith’ had red logos. Both¬†movies are the end of¬†their respective trilogies, and also both considered to be the darkest. In Return, we‚Äôve got Luke finally defeating the Emperor and the death of Darth Vader; with Revenge, we‚Äôve got the fall of the Galactic Senate, the death of¬†Padm√©‚Ķand the death of Anakin Skywalker. Knowing that both movies featured a prominent Skywalker dying (even though they were both Anakin),¬†this could mean Kylo Ren is going after his mother (Leia) and/or uncle (Luke) ending the Skywalker heritage?!

star-wars-red-logos-226723

  • Incoming: an evil R2-D2 !!¬†Has R2-D2 moved over to the Dark Side??? Well, no… But after the introduction of BB-8 in ‘The Force Awakens’ there is more fresh droid blood on its way! BB-9E will make it’s introduction in ‘The Last Jedi’ as the evil version of BB-8.¬†According to Disney he belongs to the ‚Äúastromech unit of the First Order that keep their starships and machinery operational.” We don‚Äôt know much more about BB-9E except that he‚Äôs probably Kylo Ren‚Äôs sidekick.
    170830125931-sphero-toys-780x439
  • Crazy Celebrity Cameos.¬†This is probably the main reason for fans of old UK boybands and the British monarchy to check out the movie. As it’s been said that¬†Take That-singer Gary Barlow has been given a character of his own, while Prince Harry and Prince William will make an appearance as Stormtroopers.

    gary-barlow-joins-the-star-wars-cast-in-episode-viii-01.gif

    I Sith you not. The royal brothers payed a visit to Pinewood Studios last April and were completely fascinated as they explored the backstage area, and showed off their sibling rivalry with a playful lightsaber duel.

    prince-william-z

    Actor John Boyega went on to confirm in a BBC Radio 4 interview that the royal brothers filmed cameos in the upcoming film Star Wars: The Last Jedi. The actor reportedly revealed that the Princes had non-speaking parts as Stormtroopers, although he believes their scene was cut from the movie. We will have to find out for ourselves!

    Tom-Hardy-Star-Wars-8-rumours-751344

    A big name that will definitely make an appearance as a Stormtrooper is TOM HARDY. Really following the footsteps of Daniel Craig (Hardy is said to become the new James Bond) who also played a Stormtrooper in the last Star Wars installment ‘The Force Awakens’. Find the clip here.¬†New major additions to the cast include Benicio Del Toro as an unnamed villain, Laura Dern as Resistance fighter¬†Amilyn Holdo, and Kelly Marie Tran as Rose Tico, another member of the Resistance.

    13. Look! It’s a new cuddly mascot!

    porgWhile ‘Star Wars: Episode VI ‚Äď Return of the Jedi’ had the Ewoks, a kind of living alien teddy-bear, ewoks
    The Last Jedi has porgs. According to LucasFilm these furry, birdlike creatures are native to the islands of¬†Ahch-To, Luke Skywalker’s new home, so it’s possible the Jedi has befriended a few of them.

    14. Make up your own final reason why you wanna watch Episode VIII and start crossing your galaxy calendar!

    YOUR TRAINING HAS COME TO AN END. THANK YOU FOR APPLYING TO THE JEDI MASTER CLASS. WE SINCERELY HOPE YOU WILL CONTINUE TO PICK THE FRUITS OF YOUR TRAINING THROUGHOUT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

May the force be with you

kick-sparks

XO

OH RIGHT I ALMOST FORGOT! 

Since I have spent days putting this post together, doing a lot of research, reading a lot of theories, digging deeper… I came up with a personal theory on the future narrative of the saga.

Investigating the background of Kylo Ren’s name, I discovered that the expression number of the name ‘Kylo’ is 9 which basically means the following:

“Kylo are idealistic who embrace the principles of compassion and forgiveness. Kylo are visionary who is wiling to make a better world and have the ability to influence masses. Kylo are also creative and imaginative that gives them an artistic talent.”

My educated guess? Kylo Ren will eventually step over to the Light Side and will marry Rey in some reversed Anakin-Padm√© story. ¬†They will have kids of their own who will carry out the next Star Wars generation and in their turn will flirt with the Light and the Dark Side of the Force. ‘The Last Jedi’ trailer basically confirms this¬†theory with Kylo Ren reaching out his hand to Rey.

Got any Star Wars theories of your own? Feel free to share them!

Thank you for listening, the exam will be TOMORROW.

XO

‚̧

 

G I R L B O S S

(*** Caution: this read contains a shit load of swear words and was established after sitting behind a computer for 18 hours straight ***)

Last time I was at the dentist, I had an epiphany and a strange dream encounter with Dorian Gray, Fjodor Dostojevski and… some other dude¬†I can’t remember. If you ALSO don’t remember, you should definitely read this first before we continue.

XXX

Last week I was back in the horizontal chair of torture. This time I didn’t have to undergo¬†surgery. I just went in to check if there were¬†any cavities that needed to be filled. Now, I have a lot of voids in my life that need filling, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have cavities. I go on yearly check-ups, like, every year (…). I’ve been getting the green light time after time¬†and¬†multiple ‘congratulations’ on my oral hygiene. I’m sure this is just a waste of time.

Dentist: “Hello there Evelien. Been on¬†any adventures lately?”

Me: “No I’m keeping it on the low down these days doc. Ya know, saving some dough. Keepin it real ya know what I’m sayin’?” $

(I don’t actually talk gangsta to my dentist. I don’t know how it came out this wrong)

Dentist: “Let’s have a look, shall we?”

As I laid down and the bright light hit my eyes and partially blinded me, I opened wide.

I felt some scratching, some polishing and then… the most disturbing sound of all… :

A ‘hum’.

Followed by:

Dentist: “This is a little disturbing.”

Me: “wjhgjkzrh?”

Of course I couldn’t ask ‘What is?’ with this guy’s fingers still in my mouth.

Dentist:¬†“There are four fillings¬†that need to be re-done. But the main problem is this crack in your molar. If this turns out to be a coronal fracture, we will need to call up the lab and place a dental crown.¬†The bad news is this doesn’t get refunded by the state. The worst news is that it will cost approximately 700 euros. Or more.”

Me: “Fuck me in the dick!”

Dentist: “Errm, not that it’s¬†my area of expertise but I’m pretty sure that’s anatomically impossible.”

Me: “Why does shit like this always happen to me at the worst possible time?”

Phone rings.

Telephone.png

Dentist: “Ahm…It’s for you”

neophone

Me: “Whodis?” $

Matrix-B1

Voice : “Maybe now this is a good time to¬†establish your future.”

Me: “Whut?”

Voice: “This is your wake up call.”

morpheus1

Voice: “This where the road stops. It’s time you make a choice.”

 

taketheredpill

Me: “No more candy¬†for me Morpheus. Can’t you see I’m in a dentist chair here? I’m already picking my teeth about¬†how I’m gonna pay for all this. Haven’t you heard this gig is probably going to cost me hundreds of euros?”

Me (seemingly swearing out of nowhere): “Fo fuck’s sake!”

Morpheus: “Seriously. Hasn’t Kung Fu School taught you anything? Are you still doing your Qi Gong every day? You need to focus, woman. And choose a life.”

chooselife

Me: “Ha! That’s a different movie.”

Morpheus: “This is YOUR movie. I can use whatever quote that pops into your mind.”

Me: “In that case I don’t have to follow the script. I choose¬†the white rabbit.”

whiterabbit

“Ooh, can I name it Jefferson Airplane?”

Morpheus: “Have you been getting my messages?”

Me: “You mean this confetti card?”

confetticard

Morpheus: “No you annoying c…¬†. THIS¬†message.”

matrix.jpg

Me: “Oh that virus infested thing? I erased that fucker beyond thunderdome.”

Morpheus: “God damn, woman. I have been sending you valuable messages in order to¬†start your own business.”

Me: “My own business?¬†I don’t even own a home, how can I own my own freaking business?”

Morpheus: “You don’t need a home. All you need is an url for your webiste. And a decent¬†internet connection.¬†Decipher the code. Then you will unlock your future.”

Me: “But I don’t know jack about binary codes.”

Morpheus: “Follow me.”

red_or_blue_pill_crimson_quill-2

rabbithole

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Me: “Err….Where are we?”

Morpheus:¬†“San Francisco. You’re on the set of¬†a TV show.”

Me looking in the rear-view mirror: “Whoa, who’s the hottie?”

Morpheus: “That’s Britt Robertson. You have morphed into her character Sophia. She will help¬†you¬†start¬†your business.”

Me: “But business in what? I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do?!”

Morpheus:

door

*Morpheus out*

Motherf*cker. Now I’m stuck in this hot¬†body somewhere in San Francisco (…)¬†with a killer waist line (…) an apartment of my own (…) and an online¬†business that will turn into gold over the next seasons? Damn! I’M NEVER MOVING OUT OF THE MATRIX AGAIN!

girlboss9

Me: “Okay let’s find out¬†what this chick is up to.”

sophia

sophiapc

Me: “Wait a hot minute….She sells vintage clothes over¬†the internet….By the name¬†NastyGal? I’ve purchased here!¬†This is the beginning of an empire!”

But why am I here to witness this? I don’t even want to sell clothes online. If anything I would open my own coffee bar, but¬†that shit market is saturated.”

I need to call Morpheus. He needs to bring me back to my life.

shit

“Come on motherf*cker pick up.”

 

Me leaving a message on his voicemail:

“Yo Morpheus, this has been a lot of fun but I need to get back to my dentist chair en pay my bill. Could you call me back please? ASAP?!”

I’m screwed! Now I’m stuck in this character, needing to continue the narrative and I don’t know what the fuck I have to do. How did she turn¬†NastyGal into a successful company? I should show more interest in these kind of things!

So now I am not only figuring out¬†my own mess. Now I need to figure out this chick’s life too.

girlboss-looks-terrible

“Isn’t there like a script or something lying around here?!”

(Knock knock)

Oh great, another character intervenes. The plot thickens! Fuck it, I’m not answering¬†the door.

(Knock knock knock)

Oh for fuck’s sake.

(Aggressively opens door) : “WHAT?!”

shane

“Ehm, hi Sophia…. I wondered if you wanted to share some ice cream….”

Me: “Errr, …, no, no sorry I can’t. I have a dentist appointment….err, later tonight…”

Hot guy: “A dentist appointment? With the Chinese dude downstairs?”

Me: “No… with err… doctor Morpheus… Yeah, he’s supposed to be¬†the best in town.”

Hot guy: “That’s funny. Aren’t you walking around with a hernia sticking out of your lower abdomen because you don’t have¬†health insurance.”

hernia

Me: “Errrr, (this girl doesn’t have¬†health insurance? At least I have that going for me back home!) That’s correct! But he’s a friend of my dad’s so he’s offering it for free…. It’s probably just a waste of spit anyway. My check ups are always A-OK.”

Hot guy: “Ok I will be around if you change your mind.”

Me: “Alrightie bye-bye now.”

Damn! Was this guy a hot piece of ass! I wonder if he’s my boyfriend? Should I have kissed him? No time for romantics. I need to escape this bubble right now before I get knee-deep.

8 hours later:

sophiashane

Me: “FUCK! This is what 9 months of no sex does with a person. One hot guy shows up and I cave like pudding. Sorry I need to scram and find a way out of this gorgeous body.”

Hot guy: “Ahm, …”

Morpheus: “Hello you have reached Morpheus’ voicemail. For entering the Matrix dial 1. For escaping the Matrix *tuuuuuuuuuut*”

shit

I guess there’s only one thing I can do.

Suck it up…

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And check in for some retail therapy.

girlboss-the-everygirl-5

After all, it seemed like the most plausible thing my character would do.

Shop manager:¬†“Excuse me miss, you were here yesterday and forgot to pay for your sunglasses.”

Me: “What?! Are you accusing me of shoplifting?”

Shop manager: “That’s¬†right.”

Me: “Look pal, I didn’t steal anything alright? I only just entered this body 12 hours ago. If it’s any consolation, my character is¬†about to start an online business that will go global and make a lot of money. Once I receive my first pay check, I will pay for the so-called stolen sunglasses. I just need to get out of this Matrix and get back home so I can continue my life and Sophia can do the same.”

allfiguredout

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“I need to get out of here.”

If Morpheus won’t help me, I will break this Matrix open myself!

Girlboss-3-1

“Get out of the way! I got cappuccinos to serve and columns to write!”

15 minutes later:

birdflip

45 minutes later:

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Me: “And that’s how I ended up with my car on your curb.”

Old lady: “Damn girl, you’ve been on¬†quite some adventure. Sounds to me your life isn’t all that bad back home. You got that column working for you. Even though it sounds like a bunch of whining¬†about not finding a suitable mate.”

Me: “Hey!

whining column

Old lady: “Seems you’re crying over spilt milk. Just like your car, your life is waiting for you to kick start the engine. If I were you, I would find a way to make a living out of independent writing. And¬†maybe even try the YouTuber thing. You never know where it takes you.”

growingup

Me: “It all seems such a fuck load of work. I don’t know if I can do this all by myself. I have been¬†refusing to start freelancing. I’m scared to take the jump and pay most of my income to taxes and shit. What if I work my ass off and not even make a decent living?”

slap

Me: “What in the ass, lady?!”

Old lady: “First of all: you¬†swear too much. And second of all: you think too much. Either you take the risk. Or stay stranded forever.”

Me: “I’m afraid I will be stranded here forever.”

(phone rings)

Me: “OH MY GOD IT’S MORPHEUS. I GOTTA TAKE THIS.”

Me: “Yes….Yes….Golden Gate Bridge? Got it! But there’s one thing¬†I got to do. Give me 35 minutes.”

30 minutes later:

sophiashane
Me: “It was really nice meeting you. Sophia is a lucky girl but I¬†have¬†five¬†minutes to get to the Golden Gate Bridge and out of this Matrix. Take care!”

Hot guy: “Ahm, …”

4,5 minutes later:

I’M HEEEEEEEERE!¬†

goldengate

Morpheus: “Take a seat…”

morpheus_006

Morpheus: “… And put your stolen sunglasses on.”

girlboss-season-2

aloce

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Dentist: “And we’re all done! Good news: the coronal fracture¬†doesn’t go completely through. I inserted a serum that will hold everything together. Best news: it’s completely free. Congratulations you just saved yourself 700 euros.”

Me: “That’s exactly the amount I need to pay for my first quarter of independence!”

Dentist: “Ahm what?”

Me: “Morpheus was right!¬†I’ve been shown the door. Now I just gotta walk through it.”

Bitches -err- World, here I come!

XO

matrixcurtain

matrix

(This post was powered by ‘The Matrix’, ‘Trainspotting’, Netflix TV show ‘Girlboss’, black coffee and fried rice with chicken. Oh, and some tic tacs.)

 

A cosplay special

Hello there intergalactic friends of the universe!

Today we are going to get crafty as I will tell you all about my BXL COMIC CON outfit and how I hand made it from scratch. Soon¬†the result will be visible on my Instagram (instagram.com/eveliendelgouffe) and Snapchat ‘evdelgouffe’ but here I am going to take you through every step of the making so you can create¬†your own DIY LEELOO FROM LUC BESSON’S THE FIFTH ELEMENT KICK ASS SUSPENDER ENSEMBLE.¬†

For a total cost of: 39,2 euros

WITHOUT ANY SEWING INVOLVED. 

sewing

Okay first off you need to :

  1. Browse the internet. 

Picture the character and how you can attain the look. You don’t want to start with a super chick dream image

leeloo

…and end up looking like this.

leeloofail

That just gnarly.

Get a good grasp of what the outfit consists off and what you already have in your closet that looks like the outfit and what stuff you still need to buy. Make a shopping list.

2. Visit your local crafts or carnival store and see what you can find.

Since I already owned:

  • black boots
  • white crop top

I bought:

  • golden leggings
  • orange hair chalk
  • 1 meter of orange felt¬†fabric for the suspenders
  • black tape

3. GET STARTED

Start with the most important thing first. The centerpiece of your look.

I figured if all the rest¬†would fail, there was one thing that would be indispensable to the ¬†whole Leeloo look & feel and that is …

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It’s an identification card/credit card/money card/etc all rolled into one. Pronounced as ‘Mooooltiee paaass’. You can find templates on the internet.

multipasstemplate

Just print one out in the appropriate size. If you have a lot of time on your hands you can even photoshop your own picture in there to make it that more real.

(Remember: nothing is real, it’s cosplay. But it feels damn good to walk this earth¬†as a supreme being for one day.)

supremebeing

A) Multipass necessities:

  • a printer
  • a crayon
  • two pieces of cardboard
  • colored paper
  • an x-acto knife

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You can find a basic stencil on the net to make the cut out.

Re-use the stencil to add the more detailed elements.

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Borrow¬†your father’s medication packages¬†and use them as a button or a switch of some sort to add extra dimension.

medi

Tadaaa

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Congrats! You got yourself a Multipass! Looking at it from a distance (as in: from another planet) you will barely see the difference with the real one!

Total waste: 20170222_162851

Total cost: 0 euro since I found everything I needed around the house.

=> On to the next challenge: THE ORANGE SUSPENDERS

fifth-element-leeloo-cosplay-costume-version-01-002

B) Suspender necessities:

  • a tape-measure
  • orange material¬†(I used orange felt. If you can’t find this, find another bendy fabric that you can spray paint)
  • an x-acto knife or a pair of scissors
  • a clear printed out picture of the lay out of the suspenders
  • a ruler and a ball point pen

First off: you need to measure yourself. Take measurements of your shoulders, waist and torso.

Take a sheet of paper to draw your exact outlines.

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Berliner is just my size.

Then draw the suspenders onto the paper using your measurements.

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Draw round circles where the wholes should be using a roll of sewing thread or any other round object.

Cut out the front piece. And use the same measurements to create the back.

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Try it on for size without tearing the paper.

See where it needs adjusting. As with me, the back part should be more narrow and elegant.

Use your pattern to cut it out on the fabric. I decided to do everything practically in one piece so you can just pull it over your head and attach the crotch with velcro tape. After all even supreme beings need to go to the toilet at one point.

Cut out the wholes. Velcro tape it together.

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Tadaaaa

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Congrats! You got yourself a pair of LEELOO SUSPENDERS!

Total cost: 8 euros for 1 meter of fabric, 1 euro worth of velcro tape.

=> Next step: THE LEELOO LEGGINGS!

leggings

C) Legging necessities:

  • a pair of light brown, beige or golden leggings
  • thin black tape
  • wide black tape
  • glue

Chances you will find ‘pret √† porter’ leggings like these are slim but with a minimum of effort you can create a great pair of Leeloo leggings.

Put your leggings on for size and keep the thin black tape in reach.

Start from the bottom of your legs and pull the tape all the way up your hip bone. Contour your knees. Take the leggings off and use glue (preferably a hot glue gun) to keep the tape in place at all times.

Now take the wider piece of black tape to create a belt.

Done & Done

Congrats! You got yourself a pair of Leeloo leggings.

Total cost: 12,10 euros for the leggings and 10 euros for the black tape.

***

And now for the finishing touch: HAIR AND MAKE UP

HAIR: 

hair

I decided to go with my real hair because wigs tend to degrade the outfit and just look too fake. I cut my hair a couple of weeks prior to this event to generate a similar look.

Wash your hair, towel dry it roughly, comb it. Take multiple locks and run through it from top to end using the orange hair chalk which only cost me 2 euros/piece. Repeat this all over.

Then blow dry your hair to see the result.

Create dread like locks using gel and hairspray. I also used neon orange hair paste (4,10 euros) to highlight some of the locks.

MAKE UP: leeloomakeup

The make up should be relatively ‘au naturel’. Don’t over powder yourself. Keep your skin light and pale. Use eyeliner, mascara and maybe a set of fake eye lashes. Keep the lips in a natural shade of apricot¬†or pink.¬†Don’t forget to keep¬†the eyebrows as light as possible. I decided to use some orange fake eyelashes to give my overall look that extra supreme-ness.

lashes

ACCESSORIES:

You can add cuts and blood if you want to go for the more ‘battered and bruised Leeloo’.

leeloohurt

Or you can even go for the non-waterproof mascara autowash Leeloo.

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With a brown ball point pen or marker you can also add a tattoo on your right wrist containing the four elements: earth, air, fire, water.

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Now all there’s left to do is catch up on the Leeloo lingo and you’re good to go!

¬į¬į¬įA little trivia to the Divine Language:

The “Divine Language” spoken by Leeloo was invented by director¬†Luc Besson¬†and further refined by Milla Jovovich,¬†who had little trouble learning and developing it, as she was already fluent in 4 languages. The language had only 400 words. He and Milla¬†held conversations and wrote letters to each other in the language as practice. By the end of filming they were able to have full conversations in this language.

Before we move over¬†to some useful catch phrases, it wouldn’t hurt to remember your entire name which is:

nameleeloo

Now all together:
Leeloomina√Į Lekatariba Lamina-Tcha√Į Ekbat De Sebat.¬†

Got it? Good. Then now you’re ready for the final step: The¬†Supreme being glossary:

‘Apipoula√Į!’: Hello

‘Big ba-dah big boom’: to make a splashing entrance

‘Eto akta gamat’: Never without my permission -> which could come in handy with all those gropey pervs¬†at comic cons.

‘San agamat chay bet envolet’: The case was stolen

‘Cornelius, ikset-kiba. Me imanetaba oum dalat’: Don’t worry, ¬†I know exactly where they (the stones) are.

‘Dot’: There

‘Danko’: Thank you.

‘Domo danko’: Thank you very much.

Domo danko for reading and sharing !

‚̧

meprotectyou

(This post was powered by Carnival stores ‘Las Fiestas’ (Aalst) and ‘Liebaut Feestartikelen’ (Aalst))

Road trippin’

That final morning in Gatineau, Canada.

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Celine’s husband: “Okay the car is purring like a kitten craving your love. Time for you guys to go on your road trip together.”

Me: “Err…I don’t see the truck…?”

Celine: “We’re not taking the truck. We’re taking my car.”

Me: “Your car?”

surprised

Me: “WE ARE TAKING THE MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE ON OUR ROAD TRIP???”

Celine: “Well, don’t get too excited. One ice patch and we’ll be flying. The car weighs practically nothing.”

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(…)

goodbye-my-love-o

Me: “Well we all got to go one day…”

wheel

It might as well be behind this beaut of a wheel! Start the engine sister sledge!

(Enter narrator’s voice)

And that’s how the two girls commenced their road trip in an inappropriate vehicle. Just like Harry and Lloyd in Dumb & Dumber.¬†

car

You: “Wait a second. Do you guys have like a mission or something?”

Me: “A mission?”

You: “Yeah, Harry and Lloyd took the car to Aspen to return that Samsonite briefcase to Mary. What’s your quest?”

Me: “Ok ahm…. Let me see… (whispering to Celine)…Uhu….Uhu…Oh yeah that’s great!”

“Ok, our mission is…

To find our Canadian Brad Pitt!”

goodnessgracious

“Howdy”

We’re mixing up a little ‘Dumb and Dumber’ with a little ‘Thelma and Louise’. To give the story that extra crunch.

bradpittt

(So much crunch…)

So off we go to our first destination on the itinerary:

quebec

QUEBEC CITY!

A little history on Quebec City:

  • It¬†is approximately 400 years old;
  • The city’s famous landmarks include the Ch√Ęteau Frontenac, a hotel which dominates the skyline, and La Citadelle, an intact fortress that forms the centerpiece of the ramparts surrounding the old city;
  • Quebec has played a special role in French history; the modern province occupies much of the land where French settlers founded the colony of Canada (New France) in the 17th and 18th centuries.
  • The population is predominantly French-speaking and Roman Catholic, with a large Anglophone minority, augmented in recent years by immigrants from Asia;
  • It is NOT the capital of Canada;
  • They serve Russian president as a national dish =>
poutine8_thumb1

aka ‘Poutine’ (pronounced as pooh-teen) made with thick beef gravy on French fried potatoes with fresh cheese curds. Instant cardiac arrest guaranteed.

The convertible offered just enough space to fit our luggage and a bag with food and drinks in the backseat. Since we had such a long drive ahead of us. We figured we might be up for some snacking.

footlong
(Only 15 minutes on the road)

Celine: “Can I have some hot tea please, the thermos is under your seat.”

Me: “Quite certainly, young padawan.”

Celine: “Ok whatever that is, stop doing that.”

Me: “It’s Yoda. You know those personal development tapes you listen to? He’s all about mental growth and inner strength¬†too. You’d love him.”

Celine: “Just pour me my tea, already.”

Me: “Well it’s kinda hard with you going 80¬†miles an hour.”

tea

Celine: “Watch the seats. Watch the seats!”

Me: “Alright, alright, I got it.”

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We continued down the super highway of glistening awesomeness. We slid through the icy landscapes like a knife through creamy butter. Like two smooth criminals heading towards heavenly freedom.

icetreaa
Sometimes a little too smooth, when the car would start sliding from left to right.

Celine: “Okay I gotta stop for gas.¬†There’s a Tim Horton’s, we’ll drive through for coffee.”

Me: “Jolly, a Tim Horton’s! A large French Vanilla coffee, please.”

normal_dumb-still75

coffee

This drive is a beaut! And I am enjoying every single minute of it. Every single minute of the 270 minutes total.

retroviseur

Celine: “I’m hungry, can you get out the leftover roast and the mustard? The knife should be in my purse somewhere.”

lloyddown

In case you missed it, me taking place in the passenger’s seat of Celine’s car automatically degraded¬†me to her¬†co-pilot, personal assistant, snack assembler and in-flight entertainment.

It didn’t take long or we started bickering over every little thing.

bickering

Celine: “Okay, let’s just stop at this truck stop for a minute. I need to use the wash room.”

truckstop1

Me: “Yeah, I could go for a quick pee too.”

lloyd peeing.jpeg

“And maybe another French Vanilla.”

Celine: “You’re really liking that French Vanilla hey?”

ilikeitalot

Celine: “Every time we pass a Tim Horton’s you get all excited.”

Me: “Well it’s about the most excitement I’ll have this weekend. I have a cold sore on my lip and I’m on my period. This joy ride is out of business!”
(There’s a small chance I might have used a slightly more vulgar vocabulary)

Celine: “Gee, you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

Me: “It’s probably where I got the cold sore from in the first place.”

roadtrip

Celine: “You’re grose”

A couple of hours and treats later …

bagel

… we finally arrive in QUEBEC CITY!¬†Celine had booked us an Airbnb for the night, about 20 minutes away from the old town. We stayed with Sylvain, a middle-aged divorced guy¬†who lived with his cat Fallah.

miss-glitterbox

There was a little Quebec kitty in Quebec city.

I called her Miss Glitterbox since I had accidentally spilt a bunch of glitter on her fur.

Sylvain¬†has two spare bedrooms he rents out almost daily to complete strangers. There was a guy from Halifax in one room. And me and Celine shared a bed in the other. But we didn’t feel like staying in all evening.

That night Celine and I hit the old town. We decided to walk around a little bit and maybe stop for a hot coco. We decided not to have alcohol and clean our bodies from all the holiday overindulging. Well, that was a short lived resolution. First stop we made, I ordered an Italian coffee and Celine had herself a bucket of red wine.

italiancoffee

French Vanilla with a twist.

I was still feeling telepathic since my strange moment at the supermarket the day before our road trip. I was sitting in the backseat of the big pick up truck while Celine’s husband hopped into the store¬†to get milk. While we were waiting I had this sudden slip of the tongue and spoke the words: “My god, I want cookies!”

Two minutes later, Thomas returned to the car and threw a bag of Gingerbread Boys on the backseat right in my lap.

Thomas: “Look you guys, I got some free cookies from the lady at the counter.”

I was so amazed by my Jedi powers, I decided to try them out on Celine tonight. While I was sitting in front of her, enjoying my Italian coffee, I wondered if my mind could set her on fire.

cup

Eventhough I thought¬†it, it didn’t happen. Maybe because I didn’t really want her to burst into flames. I¬†was just curious if I could force my mind that way…

fire.gif

We finished our drinks, decided to leave the bar and walk a bit further. But the wind was so cold it felt as if Mother Nature was pricking needles into my face.

Me: “Gee, I don’t think I can walk much further. I can’t feel my face!”

Celine: “Ok let’s just go in here.”

We entered a huge echoing hallway with christmas trees lining up all the way to the back of the corridor. I knew this place. It was the chateau Frontenac! I remembered it from my Wikipedia search! It was one of the landmarks!

The place was majestic. This is where the rich and famous hang out alright!

slipwith

I felt kind of out of place wearing my Kung Fu sweatpants and custom made Blonde/Clueless long sleeve.

tuxedo

Celine: “Where do you wanna sit?”

Me: “Let’s sit by the bar. Put out the vibe.”

puttingoutthevibe

selfiechateau

It was all fun and games until we looked at the menu

Me: “Wow these prices are through the roof. The cheapest thing on here¬†is actually a glass of champagne. A little bit of the bubbly it is.”

ddprosecco

Unfamiliar voice: “What accent is that you’re speaking?”

I turned over and saw a dude and another dude installing themselves on the seats next to us.

Me: “It’s english. Du’uh.” (These dumbass quebecians and their poor anglo knowledge (*see history on Quebec City¬†‚ÜĎ ))

barlloyd

I thought it was the lamest pick up line I had ever heard. If these bozos think they can sit with us, they got the wrong idea.

Celine in the background: “Hahahahaha”

Err… that was clearly not including Celine. She was getting along nicely with the two gents.

Me hissing: “Don’t invite them, they could be vampires.”

Celine: “Oh shut up, it’s a good thing they still want to sit with us. Your purse is scaring people away!”

purgepurse

My little Dracula coffin I bought in Toronto (<3) did get some mixed reviews…

I didn’t think of them to be all that interesting. But the other one was quite cute. After an hour of talking to them and a couple of glasses later, the barman was closing up.

bartender

Me: “Well it was lovely meeting you. Bye bye now.”

The dudes: “Hey you¬†girls feel like continuing this party at our¬†place? We live just a 10 minute walk away from here.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t think..”

Celine: “Ok!”

Me: “Wait, what? I’m not going home with these two. I barely know them and I don’t really like them that much. Why do you wanna go with them? Are you in heat or something??”

(…)

Wait a hot minute! ¬†Maybe I didn’t really set Celine on fire physically. But maybe I had lit some other fire. Some kind of desire inside of her!

Son of a bee sting, I unleashed the beast!

lloyd

Me:¬†“Okay guys my friend is actually a little tired, she just doesn’t realize it yet. We’re going back to our Airbnb. See ya.”

The dudes: “Are you sure?”

Me:

instinct

Celine: “Well if we don’t go home with them we can still go have drinks with them.”

Me: lloyd-napkin

Before I knew it we were in a taxi¬†on our way to ‘Cuisine’. A funky little bar in downtown Quebec where we could dance to new wave music, play video games and apparently order some shots of Black Russian.

I was very cautious. I didn’t want to end up in a real life ‘Taken’ sequel. What if they were serial killers?

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Or rapists?

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Me to Celine: “What are we doing here? It’s not like either one¬†of these dudes is our Brad Pitt. Heck, we weren’t even supposed to drink alcohol tonight.”

Celine: “Oh just stop being all paranoid and just enjoy the moment.”

lloyddown

I gave it another go but after an hour I got all bored and decided¬†to play video games¬†on the little Super Nintendo in the corner. There I was. The little geek in the corner on a Thursday night. When I was GAME OVER I decided it was time to pull Celine out of there right in time before she could take her sweater off and go loose¬†in her tank top. Gee, what have I done to this woman! I’m never using my Jedi mind tricks again.

We said the dudes goodbye and walked away into the freezing cold. Not really knowing where we were going. It took ages to find a taxi to drive us back. When we finally did, Celine got out at a night shop on the corner of our street to get food. She bagged two bags of Cheetos with onion dip. I was glad she cheated on her diet, rather than on her husband.

The next morning I felt awful. My stomach was all queazy from all the drinks and those two guys had left a bad after taste.

ketchup

I decided to have a hot shower and freshen up for the final part of our drive: MONTREAL!

meandglitterbox

Saying goodbye to Miss Glitterbox. That’s Sylvain in the back.

And we were back on the road. And back to our old habits.

carselfie

Celine: “Could you prepare us¬†some lunch, please? I’m hungry.”

Me: “Sure thing, young Padawan!”

I grabbed some tuna and avocado and made some excellent hors d’oeuvres on the whim!

Me: “Too bad this drive doesn’t last as long as the one we did yesterday. I quite enjoy this road trip.”

Little did I know I had wrongly used my Jedi powers again…

(One hour later)

Me: “Gee, I expected¬†Montreal to be¬†a lot less rockier than this.”

rockymountains

Celine: “Yeah me too…. Get the map and find out where we at.”

Me: “Err… I think we’re on our way to Alaska.”

Celine: “Fudge! There’s a road sign that says ‘Saguenay’. We’re going all the way north.”

Wow, my connection with the Universe had become¬†crystal clear these past few days! (see previous post: ‘A Jelly Dilemma’) First the cookies. Then the fire. Now the extended road trip.

reception

Me: “I’m sorry, I wished for the drive to last longer! And now we doubled the length! This is all my fault!”

dumb-and-dumber-8

Celine: “Well…

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… at least we had a nice view.”

highfive

That’s what I like about Celine. She’s such a positive little life force.

It took us about 4 hours to get to Montreal. Instead of the estimated 2.

Through rough roads and steep hills.

scooterdum

But once we were there. It was all worth it.

were-there

bridgemontreal

When we arrived at our Airbnb, we forgot all the trouble we had been through. It was the coziest place on earth smacked right into the middle of the Gay Village (the actual name of this area). It felt like coming home. Especially since there was a hammock in the living room! How comfy can you be??

screenshot_2017-01-07-17-11-13

Quite comfy!

That night we kept it cool. We went for a nice Chinese soup and I made some more business cards to hand out to random Gay Village people.

After dinner we met up with our Kung Fu friend Audrey again who was staying at her parents’ place in Montreal.

carselfieaudrey

Say ‘Qi’!

We went for  a good night hike all the way up Mont Royal to see the crucifix.

view

Montreal by night

crosslights

The Mont Royal Cross matches my purse!

By the way, some more history on Montreal:

  1. It is NOT the capital of Canada.
  2. Go look up the rest on the internet.

All together it was a wonderful night. Me and Celine didn’t get into any trouble. Instead we went to bed by midnight. And dreamt about Brad Pitt¬†handing out¬†blow jobs.

… With his hair dryer.

goodnessgracious

We had a little over one¬†more day to find our guy. So we didn’t waste any more time the next day. We went looking all over town. We walked all the way down Avenue Cath√©rine and made our first stop at the Dollar Store. Celine needed some food and I needed some bindis to wear on our final night out.

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We couldn’t help but notice there were a lot of sex shops on this street. Since Celine was still not fully recovered from me setting her on fire …

giphy-5
we entered a bunch of XXX shops to have an innocent look around. Celine eventually bought¬†herself a ‘finger puppet’. And I got myself some fishnet long sleeves.¬†I figured it would be a great look with a little tank top underneath! Plus: from a business point of view¬†it was a good move. I left some of¬†my business cards with the lady behind¬†the counter and she absolutely LOVED the name of this blog. She¬†said she would check it out fo shizzle.

While we continued our way down town, we got a little hungry from all the sex shop hopping and went looking for some grub. After our tasty bowl from last night, we kinda both craved some more soup.

soupdujour

And that’s how we ended up at another Asian place.

noodles1noodles2noodles3

fortunecookie

I’m just in it for the fortune cookies

For dessert we went for some nice hot street tire.

You: “?”

It’s hot maple syrup on a fresh deck of snow. You place¬†a popsicle¬†stick at¬†the end of one side and start curling it up to the other side. That’s how you eat¬†tire!

The taste is super sweet. As maple syrup tends to be.

We heated ourselves by a little fire and head out. To a more nicer part of town.

boots

Stranger’s voice: “Wow that is a nice coat, young lady.”

cardigan

Lady: “No that’s a Shearling and it is very, v√©ry nice. ”

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Me: “Oh thank you.”

Celine and I had just entered a fur boutique when we got interrupted by the lady who happened to be one of the owners.

Lady: “I gotta call somebody to come look at this, wait right here.”

Soon entered a guy. A very very hot guy. To come look at me and my coat.

Lady: “Isn’t this the nicest Shearling ever?”

The guy nodded and kept his eyes on my coat.

Me: “Well, this is a little¬†awkward. I didn’t know it was this special. I bought it for 50 euros at a second hand store in Belgium.”

The two both started laughing.

Me: “Oh, is that too much?”

Lady: “No dear, these coats usually go for way more.”

Very very hot guy: “You could get up to 1600 Canadian dollars for this coat.”

Great Odin’s raven! I’m rich!

furrr

Trying on some other coats that were almost as nice as my Shearling.

clapping

All the hot fur action aside, it was already in the afternoon and we still hadn’t find our Brad Pitt. I was getting a little bit worried. So we put our two brain halfs together over dinner.

We figured he might perform in one of the strip bars around the corner as a male entertainer. When you have a body like that, you got to make some kind of living out of it…

dishes2

“Or maybe he works as a plumber? A stripper plumber!”

To a live nude bar it is!

food

We got all ready for our big and final night out.

gettingready

spray

But ended up going to a live music bar instead.

Half way through our walk through town, we changed our minds and decided to not support the local sex slave industry.

bluesjojo

We had some wine. Some nice live blues music. And some poutine with duck on the side! No male entertainers. But it was the best last night in Montreal I could ever wish for.

bluesjojo

Bar √† Jojo ‚̧

We were in bed by midnight so we could wake up early the next day and enjoy a nice Sunday together. Also our last day together.

Over breakfast, we got the word that Value Village, a big second hand store, was doing a big sale.

valuevillage

“50 per cent off??? That’s almost getting stuff for free!”

Since we had to check out of the apartment anyway, we got dressed as fast as we could and rushed out of there in no time.

Well… I did have to go to the bathroom first to get my excitement out…

And last night’s dinner.

shitface

I don’t know if it was the poutine or the poo-theen but I poo-clogged the toilet big time.

Good advice: go easy on the toilet paper if you’re ever in Canada. They¬†don’t have toilets like ours and it’s not enjoyable having to unclog the toilet when the owner is sleeping¬†in the room next door, overhearing everything you do.

Film and Television

“Sorry buddy”

With that out of my system. And in the poor guy’s sewer system. We stuffed¬†the convertible like a Christmas turkey and drove it all the way to Value Village a 15 minute drive away.

Me: “Look at these joggers jogging on these icy curbs. They’re c…”

Celine: “-razy?”

Me: “Well I was gonna go with courageous. Let’s just call them COU-RAZY!”

“H√© Celine, look at how fast I’m racing¬†to Value Village!”

runninglloyd

When we finally arrived we nose dove between the racks of clothes, grabbing everything we had our eye one, trying everything on for size, and dressing up for fun. I eventually found two coats, one sweater and some other things I can’t remember, for less than 30 euros total.

pete

This kid Billy even bought a parakeet for only 15 bucks!

But there was no way I could fit all this into my teeny-tiny backpack. If I wanted to buy all this stuff, I had to buy another suitcase to take on board with me.

The moment I thought it -and put it out there for the universe to hear- there it was….

As if it was sitting there waiting for me.

A beautiful beige brown carry-on suitcase for only 7 Canadian Dollars. I flipped it open and it was in perfectly good shape. The interior was all golden brown retro and as good as new. When I flipped it over to look at the specifications, there it was…..

SAMSONITE.

No way!

This can’t be! It was about the briefcase all along!

(Enter narrator’s voice)

And that’s how the girl brought the Samsonite suitcase back to the airport. Filled with valuable bargains. And priceless memories.¬†

samsonite

maryairport

Thank you Celine. For everything.

XO

The END

Making headlines

You guys! Something wonderful has happened! Something that will change the future of¬†Backpackersguidefortheblondeandtheclueless forever.¬†Your favorite blog¬†is breaking borders, is conquering ground, is changing the rules, is mixing guacamole with syrup, is …

You: “Yeah, yeah we get it. Something big has happened. Spill the beans already.”

Me:¬†“You are not going to believe this: The one and only DAILY PLANET has¬†reached out to me to do an interview on me and the blog!”

‚Üí Millions of readers getting to know BGftBC? – Hell yeah!

‚Üí Getting interviewed by Clark Kent?? –¬†Fuck¬†yeah!

clarkkent

I didn’t hesitate one billionth of a second¬†when they asked me!

… Unfortunately Kent couldn’t do the interview… The article is part of The Daily Planet’s Fashion Issue so I got to sit down with Lois Lane instead.

lois_lane_00011

We had a little chat and a photo shoot¬†at Korsakov. I’m super happy with the result. Although I would have liked some more pictures to make the article breathe, … And some creative questioning wouldn’t have hurt, but that Lois Lane is a tough cookie to negotiate with. Anyway. Here’s the result, hope you like it!

‚Ćąpicture-2016-12-06-om-09-58-50

You: “Hum. Exoticism?”

Me: “Shut up and continue reading.”

‚Ćąpicture-2016-12-06-om-10-07-09

You: “Aww Evvy, aren’t you the sweetest Cheerleader Goth.”

Me:  annoyedemoji

‚Ćąpicture-2016-12-06-om-10-24-43

** The End **

Me: “So… What do you think??”

You: “Honestly?”

Me: “Yes.”

You: “I think you should go back to interviewing people other than yourself. Now THAT¬†would be a great¬†look for you!”

emojiskull

To be continued.