She’s a M A N I A C

There are days I devour Netflix shows like an all you can eat continental breakfast. I indulge, overeat and get bulimic. When this happens, weird neurochemical processes take over my membrane and suddenly my non-fictional life sets itself in the middle of my new favorite fictional universe. When those two worlds intertwine in some heavy love making, this is what comes out…

A monstrously exciting read. 

“After ‘Penny Dreadful’ and ‘Girlboss’, Evelien Delgouffe turns ‘Maniac’ for her long awaited new fan fiction blog post” (Daily Planet) 

There was a time I posted a new blog post every week. Back then I was globetrotting. Running after adventure like a dog chasing its own tail. And guess what? Wherever I went, there was my tail! In Australia, in China, even in Japan. Of course I had exciting things to tell each week. Heck, I had exciting things to tell every day, every hour, every minute! But since life is back to the status quo, not a lot of exciting things happen to report about.

I go to the supermarket, I sit at home and write and with the money I make from writing I go to the supermarket again. It’s the circle of life.

emma

© Netflix – Maniac

Even though I’ve changed the decor of my life to a new city, I still roam the streets like a moody teenager looking for a pattern. The pattern around which my life, and all life around that, is knitted.

maniac emma stone sad

© Netflix – Maniac

There was a time I believed in the pattern and I saw the pattern everywhere. I even wrote a book about the pattern. The book has been lying in eyesight for almost a year now. On the corner of my desk. Collecting dust and cereal crumbs.

The book I wrote was filled with hidden walls, double meanings, easter eggs and was a perfect blueprint of the labyrint in my mind which researchers like to refer to as ‘Mindlantis’, the final frontier.

Maniac dr mantleray and dr japan

© Netflix – Maniac

But lately, I don’t see the patterns anymore.

Picture 2018-10-04 om 09.58.11

© Netflix – Maniac

You: “Are you depressed Evvy?”

Me: “Isn’t that just the default setting of human beings?”

You: “Err….”

“But why did you actually never publish your book?”

Me: “Because I sent it to 5 people and 1 of those 5 people thought it was shit so from then on I thought it was shit too.”
“Anyway, I am too embarrassed to send it to publishers. That book is all me. I couldn’t bear people to criticize it.”

You: “Ahm, aren’t you a critic in real life yourself?”

Me: “Who are you the ethical department??”

You: “No actually I’m down the hall with the unethical department.”

Screen-Shot-2018-08-06-at-9.58.57-AM

© Netflix – Maniac

You: “We have been watching you for a while miss Delgouffe.”

Me: “Yikes, and who the fudge are you mister Side Parting?”

You: “My name is Doctor Mantleray and I want to eat (…) errmm, study your brain.”

Me: “Oh yeah? And what’s in it for me?”

maniac emma stone 3

© Netflix – Maniac

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Cutting-edge treatment of you neurological hypertheroidial amoebical mambo jambo… hysteria.”

“My colleagues from the unethical department look forward to meet you.”

707cf288-fb4c-49bc-a82c-dd3b1300b6af-ulp

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Unless there is some world class editor/ renowned publisher working in your little unethical club, I’m afraid I’m not interested.”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “What a coincidence. There is! His name is Owen and he will be happy to help you publish your book.”

the pattern own

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Errr, well…thank you, but never mind. I don’t think this version of my book is the definite one anyway… I should probably think about an alternative ending. As a matter of fact I should go do that right now.”

You as Dr. Mantleray : “If you work with us, our computer will do the writing for you. We will hook you up to our neuro-network and your book will be printed directly from your brain. Owen here, will just run the final checks on points and commas.”

Me: “Ok then mister Mantis…”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Mantleray”

Me: “Whatever. Allow me to rephrase my initial question: What’s in it for you?”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Once you begin to appreciate the structure of the mind, there’s no reason anything about us can’t be changed. Pain can be destroyed. The mind can be solved….”

anigif_sub-buzz-1967-1533574593-14

© Netflix – Maniac

You as Dr. Mantleray: “… And you will earn 50.000 euro”.

(15 minutes later)

485b0eeba23b707e6b7b15994b7ca0b81b37bf1e.png_1200x630

© Netflix – Maniac

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Ow-keey-oki miss Delgouffe, we will now hot wire you to our neuro-network for a little test run. We will ask your subconsciousness a few basic questions. Consider it a warm up, before we proceed to subduct your future bestseller from your brain.”

“And a 5, 6, 7, 8!”

giphy.gif

© Netflix – Maniac

screen-shot-2018-09-24-at-21646-pm-2png

© Netflix – Maniac

Maniac Emma Stone sleepy time 3

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Where the funk am I?”

Maniac emma stone little box

© Netflix – Maniac

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Your subconsciousness chose to wake up in Japan. You were here on the 16th of May, 2016. The real you has just witnessed a minor earthquake. Remember? You even put a message on Facebook after it happened.”

Picture 2018-10-04 om 10.51.02

You as Dr. Mantleray: “The earthquake was actually not coming from Miyazaki, like news media reported that day, but was caused by a small bug in our computer system when we hooked ‘the future you’ up to our neuro-network. It happens all the time.”

Me: “That’s ahm… swell… doctor, but why am I here?”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Don’t ask me, ask your subconsciousness. Is this place also mentioned in your book?”

Me: “Yeah…”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Well there you have it! Now don’t be scared. Throughout this interview your subconsciousness may switch through different locations from your past. And potentially your future.”

Me: “My future???”

MV5BM2M2NDkwMDEtY2NiMi00MDJiLTgzNDEtYjg1ODhmNzA2ZGIwXkEyXkFqcGdeQXRzdGFzaWVr._V1_

© Netflix – Maniac

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Yes, as a matter of fact this is you in 6 years from now. Look! You’re a doting mother, covered in rainbows.”

Me: “No no no, take me back! Please take me back!”

media.media.0cb52c39-36ff-4296-b4d8-d793660b9601.normalized

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Where the fudge am I now?”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Err… it seems like your mind is a little disoriented. It mixed your time in Australia with your fascination for cosplay and fantasy, miss Delgouffe. Maybe it’s better we take this conversation to our pre-formatted offices. I will get the floppy disk and program us right in.”

“There you go. Better ain’t it?”

Me: “Peachy…”

Maniac emma stone

© Netflix – Maniac

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Now let’s get to the core of this mission, miss Delgouffe. First question: are you allergic to any kind of nuts, seaweeds or possibly gluten intolerant? Our chef needs to know, since you will probably stay in our facilities for more than 48 hours.”

Me: “No.”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Ace! You’re now officially screened and ready to print your bestseller, miss Delgouffe. We will bring you into contact with editor Owen and you can discuss the next steps together while Gertie, our computer, prints out the full story for you and the rest of the world to read!”

L1130308.DNG

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Owen, where are we?”

Owen: “We’re in an elevator.”

Maniac emma stone and jonah hill elevator

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Owen, I cannot be in an elevator. Elevators scare the living shit out of me. I have experienced severe trauma in an elevator!”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “What’s happening in there? Why are the radars turning like crazy?!”

maniac_105_unit_00054_r-embed_2018

© Netflix – Maniac

Owen: “Oh boy! You didn’t mention that fear in the intake conversation?”

Me: “They asked me about my fucking gluten intolerancies not about my Michael Myers vs. Laurie Strode relationship to elevators. Now get me the fuck out of here!”

You as Dr. Mantleray: “God Gertie, we’re losing her. Another prodigy’s about to go catatonic.”

862d92d61c14cc02c4e0526dde9ced1a11912d79

© Netflix – Maniac

giphy (1).gif

© Netflix – Maniac

Owen: “Better?”

landscape-1537177222-screen-shot-2018-09-17-at-103957-am

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Yes, thank you.”

IMG_9285
Me: “Hey I used to live on this corner! This was one of the first rooms I lived in when I moved to Berlin!”

Owen: “I know. This is 1 year ago today. Do you remember? You took this picture of yourself in your flat.”

Picture 2018-10-04 om 11.58.29

Me: “Yes I remember! I was writing… on my book.”

Owen: “I know.”

Me: “Wait a minute. Am I currently in there? Holy moly! Am I stalking myself??”

Owen: “Yes. What we need to find out miss Delgouffe is the simple neuro-dynamics of why you gave up on your book. Why did you throw something away you worked on for months? Why did it end up on a corner of your desk collecting dust and cereal crumbs?”

Me: “Jeez Owen… I don’t know. Maybe I’m afraid it’s not good enough. Not entertaining enough… After all I stick to true events. I didn’t even bother to use a lot of fantasy… It was just an immediate excerpt of my life. Past and present. And all the irony and double meanings I pretended to see along the way.”

Owen: “Pretended to see? What if what you saw was really there…?”

(In the meantime in the unethical department) 

You as Dr. Mantleray: “We have to stop the trial Azumi. I have to pull the plug!”

Maniac_109_Unit_03647_R

© Netflix – Maniac

Dr. Azumi Fujita of the unethical department: “No! If you do that you’ll risk she ends up in a vegetative state!”

maniac-ep-9-recap

© Netflix – Maniac

(In the meantime in neuro-land)

Me: “Nonsense Owen. I fooled myself. I’m a fool. And maybe that stupid book should just stay in the past.”

21-maniac-finale.w700.h700

© Netflix – Maniac

Owen: “At this point in time, when you were here writing in your flat. You also wrote a text message to a handsome looking individual you matched on Tinder. They answered you back and you met each other for the first time on Friday the 13th of October… In the real world, you are a few days shy of celebrating your first anniversary together… That same evening in this flat you listened to Lady Gaga because you had a sudden melancholy to her widely unacclaimed album ‘Artpop’. Today a movie with Lady Gaga enters cinemas and guess what… It’s a love story and she’s probably gonna win an Oscar for it. These are not random facts. I’m sure the Evelien from one year ago, who is now sitting in this flat, would have recognized this pattern.”

Dr. Azumi Fajita of the unethical department: “Dr. Mantleray we are gaining back her cooperation. The numbers are… growing impressively. Owen is actually getting to her.”

TV/ Maniac

© Netflix – Maniac

You as Dr. Mantleray: “Of course. I knew we were not going to risk another McMurphy…”

Maniac-on-Netflix-Justin-Theroux-mysterious-Dr-James-K-Mantleray-1519123

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “So the pattern really is the pattern, huh?”

lgmnaf-1-1537097934.jpg

© Netflix – Maniac

Owen: “Yes. And therefor I have to ask you one thing…”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Owen: “You can’t finish your book if you’re running away from your demons. It’s time for the Confrontation stage of this trial. You need to confront your biggest trauma in order to finish your book and unravel your pattern. You will have to take us to that deciding moment in your life. The moment that changed your life forever, the moment that also hurt you the deepest.”

Me: “Ahm Owen? Why did you change into a purple looking Yoda?”

schach-gegen-ein-plueschtier-in-maniac-das-normalste-der-welt

© Netflix – Maniac

Owen: “Maybe because your subconsciousness feels more at ease talking to a stuffed animal. Ha! Check mate!”

Owen: “So to come back to my question…”

Picture 2018-10-04 om 12.33.50

© Netflix – Maniac

“Are you willing to travel back to the most painful moment in your life and dissolve the pattern?”

maniac emma stone 4

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “I’m ready for my therapy doctor.”

You as Dr. Mantleray:

images

© Netflix – Maniac

“And Owen’s not a doctor.”

Dr. Azumi Fujita of the unethical department: “Just leave them, James.”

Picture 2018-10-04 om 13.33.25

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “Brace yourself Owen.”

maniac emma stone hollywood glam

© Netflix – Maniac

Me: “For this emotional torture ride will take you to belly tingling highs…

elevator adelaide 2

…and sickening lows.”

maniac-serie-netflix

© Netflix – Maniac

XO

Congratulations! You made it all the way through! Thank you for reading and just for the record: I’m not depressed. This is merely a piece of fan fiction to show my deep appreciation for this great Netflix show. Check out my previous fan fiction posts on ‘Penny Dreadful’ and ‘Girlboss’ if you wanna discover more!

What the DRAG?! Why can’t I be a queen? 👑

“Ladies and genders,

rupaul seen it all

…But I can tell you, you have NOT. The purist drag queen community is shaking on its full coverage foundation since a girl from Belgium decided to turn her brain on and ask herself a fundamental question even Quora can’t answer:

Can anyone, and therefor also ME as a woman, be a drag queen?

Old-school drag purists: (Gag)

omg

Now this is how it all started…

Me: As you all know I, Evelien Delgouffe, am a woman of many faces and interests. I am interested in everything that lights a little spark in my eyes and makes me forget the mess that we as humans have to face on a daily basis. Yes, I like to live in a self (wo)manifested dream world.

Therefor I am a fan of movies, series, adventure, science fiction, comics, cosplay, fantasy creatures, make-up… etc!

nerd alert.gif

And since a while, my most favorite way to let off steam after a rough day is watching 1 or 10 episodes of ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’. It’s a little hard to explain, but those men dressing up as  queens makes me feel good about myself.

Download RuPauls Drag Race S10 Season 10 SX Season X 1080p Assistir Online Legenda Embutida Fuzzco News.jpg

TV-show host and drag supermodel extraordinaire: RuPaul!

You: “Ahm… About yourself Evvy?”

Me: “Well yeah, whenever I watch an episode of RuPaul I feel a small change in my behavior. As if I’m suddenly sliding down a rainbow of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. Feeling good about myself and my womanhood.”

giphy (2)

I am also inspired by the different looks and how these queens carry themselves as almost alien like, supernatural creatures.

chachki.gif

… Vogue-ing, parading, skedaddling, lipsync-ing and even death dropping for their lives.

FocusedFarawayArcticduck

… Topped with the occasional bitch fight of course.

valentina-reunion

I decided to take my fascination to the next level and dive deeper into this magical world of drag.

6aeb9007a6fe88e632e8aac85b69ec68

Since I am an investigative journalist (and not a ‘wannabe’ like my arch rival Lois Lane; she’s a drag but definitely not a queen…) I decided to do my research properly.

Now, asking the question ‘Can a women be a drag queen?’ turned out to be a stupid one since 1 search entry in Google taught me that women across the planet have been dressing up as drag queens (and I don’t mean drag kings, fyi) for many years.

Why didn’t I know?!

awkward

According to my good friend Google:Picture 2018-06-02 om 09.04.02

See? ‘Artists of all sexualities’. So it’s totally fine for women to dress up as drag queens too!

Well… not really.

To begin with. Female drag queens are nicknamed ‘faux queens’, which is not really a name to take pride in.

Further research taught me there’s actually an ongoing vitriol surrounding female drag queens. Old-school drag purists don’t like women to act or perform as drag queens at all and even boycot them.

You: “If men dress up as women…Doesn’t it make more sense for women to dress up as men… in order to bypass that nasty ‘faux queen’ nickname?”

cocorosie2-Noticia-707127

Me: “Well yeah, but for me, aesthetics-wise, it is much more interesting to dress up as a drag queen and explore new depths of my femininity.”

Old-school drag purists: “But why would a woman want to parody a woman? It’s a complete oxyoxymo…. a complete TRAVESTY!”

stop immediately

 Me: “Look errr… girl… That’s just one transvestite calling another transvestite a transvestite… You know, you really shouldn’t put people into boxes like that.”

square

Me: While let’s face it: drag queens would be nowhere without women AMMARIGHT?”

Old-school drag purists:

giphy (3)

Doing this research I suddenly realized that the idea only man can be drag queens is unfortunately also promoted by my favorite TV show. In ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ only male identified drags can compete. Faux queens are not welcome. Transsexuals neither. #Dafuq?

condragulations

I wondered what RuPaul’s opinion on the topic of faux queens was. Does he actually support ladies in drag? Or not? Big was my grief when I discovered an interview of RuPaul with The Guardian in 2017 where he made the following statement:

RuPaul: “Drag loses its sense of danger and its sense of irony once it’s not men doing it, because at its core it’s a social statement and a big F-you to male-dominated culture. So for men to do it, it’s really punk rock, because it’s a real rejection of masculinity.”

Old-school drag purists:

alyssa-1522351446

In the meantime RuPaul has publicly changed his opinion on the topic but still, coming from an LGBTQ ambassador, it was quite a controversial thing to say. Why should drag queen-ing be a ‘men-only’ sport?

Old-school drag purists:

Bianca_olhos

“I’m sorry Miss Delgouffe but we have to stop you right there: why would you even bother to do drag up? Why would you emulate what you AL-READY are? What is the illusion???”

alyssa-edwards-mirror-facial-expressions-rupauls-drag-race-gif

Me: “I’m pretty sure when I cover my eyebrows with a glue stick and draw on new ones, that’s called an illusion…”

bianca

Old-school drag purists: “Funny how women always depend on men to give the right example.”

RPDR-Valentina-Thinking

silence

RuPaul: “The time has come for you to form a conclusion, Evelien.”

Me: “Well hang on RuPaul, let me just call up a dear friend of mine to close this case on my behalf…”

how this turns out

*Drrrriiiiiiiing driiiiiingg*

giphy (6).gif

Me: “Miss G, I urgently need your help on something. Could you come to RuPaul’s ‘Werk Room’ real quick?”

(5 min later)

gaga werk room

Me: “Queens, I present to you the only woman who has ever been really accepted for performing as a drag queen. Bow down for the one and only…. LADY GAGA!!!”

ladygaga

tumblr_omz613i5hW1qlvwnco7_500

Me: “Now that I have all you queens’ attention. I would like to let this marvelous artist explain to you what drag, regardless of gender, is all about to her:

Picture 2018-06-04 om 18.27.44

(Thank you hellogiggles.com for the nice layout of this immortal Lady Gaga quote)

Me: “See? We are all looking to fill up voids in our lives. Whether it’s with money or with glitter. We are all eager to lift ourselves to the most fabulous echelons of whatever universe we want to belong to. Faux queens or real queens, in drag there is no room for misogyny, sexism nor racisme.”

tumblr_nmgtjh16G51ty3aeno1_500

“It’s about expressing what femininity means to us and defying sex-role stereotypes. It’s about art and performance. Whether it’s political, aesthetical or just satirical or for entertainment purposes. It shouldn’t be a ‘boys only club’ since we have so much to learn form each other.”

3a6f499b71db5cf553b4151437dc5f0e74dd850a8cab90db67691f80394f800d

“Let us try to see drag as ‘genderless’ until it becomes the new norm and (meno)pause this ongoing bitch fight right here.”

gaga cry

“Or to say it with the words of a wise wo-man:”

love

Me: “Heu…well thanks Momma Ru, but I actually meant that other thing you always say…”

rupaul-we-are-all-born-naked-an-the-rest-is-drag

EEEEEEEEEEEEXACTLY

Now can I get an Amen up in here?

mother ru approves

Disclaimer:
This blog post was a sponsored feel good message brought to you by ‘I don’t give a Tuck’. You can be a beautiful individual no matter what. Appearance and good looks are mostly a matter of behavior and perception. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then add on as many illusions as you want until YOU, the beholder in the mirror, finally feels comfortable with what you see…PS: The Kardashians do it every day.

bianca kardashian

After publishing this blog only one drag queen has decided to take a step back (…)

miss vanjie

…But now that the rest of the purist drag community has opened the boundaries, all ‘femme bodied individuals who want to try on drag every once and a while, for real or just for fun’ are more than welcome to play along! 

Violet's_First_Words_After_Winning_Drag_Race

As for me, I thought about where drag will take me. Since ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ maybe isn’t that representative for my understanding of the drag art, I will take my interest just a tiiiiiiiiiny step further….

…By going to a show in my local area and hope someone mistakes me for a real guy!

😱

To be continued?

All in favor say AAAYE!

blink.gif

XO

 

 

BLONDE & B R O K E in Berlin: how to tackle food cost?

How to survive on a budget in one of the coolest cities on the planet? 

Find out in the following bit!

So as you know I am now free living and freelancing in Berlin. I am not near the point where I make shit loads of money YET (especially if you have read what happened to me in the previous post) so that’s why I have to tackle my money business in a clever way.

(…) Me going to Ibiza for 4 days probably wasn’t the cleverest of ideas but I considered it more to be an investment since I had the time of my life with people I love and care for. Bonus points for mental health yo! 

Picture 2017-09-27 om 15.37.56

The traveling threesome ❤

But this cannot mean I can go on a Spree. No matter how close I live to this river (…)

The truth is: Good things in life don’t come for free so I have to really think about what I spend and if that correlates with what I get out of it.

For instance: I could stop eating. That way I don’t have to spend money.

True. But there is no point in not taking care of my body as I don’t want to get sick as I don’t want to spend money on doctors and medical bills. Hm, do I even have insurance, I wonder?

So I have made some calculations and I have estimated myself a 15 euro allowance per day to spend on ‘surviving’ (rent not included). With this I can anticipate in basic needs. Food and beverages come first. That should be more than enough right?

Rrrright… But when I need toiletries, laundry soap or tickets for public transportation this also has to come from the same allowance which means I have to do some creative shifting here and there.

Especially in case I would want to buy shoes or clothes. LUCKILY I stopped buying that shit ages ago! I don’t feel like spending money (considering the previous mentioned correlation theory) on things I don’t really need. I’m usually ahead of fashion any ways (:-p) so I much rather put my money where my mouth is.

mileymouth

Okay, so how to tackle food cost in Berlin? Actually it’s pretty darn easy…

  • EXPLORE DISCOUNT PARADISE
    Germany is ‘Die Heimat’ of Lidl and Aldi. So if you want to hit the jackpot involving discount shopping: you’re in the right place. Next to those you also have Penny, Netto, Kaiser’s and Kaufland. I suggest you visit them all and see where you can nibble some extra cents of certain products. Believe you me, it’s the ‘LIDL’ things that count!
  • RECYCLE YOUR BOTTLES 
    This one is a little trick to actually earn money. When you buy plastic bottles in the shop you can collect them in a machine and get 0,25 euro back per bottle. Glass bottles are worth 0,08 euro a pop. So be wise and recycle yo! It’s good for the environment and for your wallet. But for the sake of ‘Nächstenliebe‘: when you find empty  bottles or cans in the street or in the metro, leave them for the homeless so they can have a little pocket money too.
    bottles
  • MAKE FRIENDS WHO INVITE YOU FOR DINNER
    It’s always advised to make friends. Especially when they have a kitchen and a big fridge. Dinner parties are pleasant, cozy and budget friendly.

    moss

    You can bring a cheap bottle of wine if you feel like returning a favor. These days even a nice bottle of biological Italian wine from the BIOMARKT costs only 2,90 euros.
    cannibal
    It’s even nicer when you cook together with a bunch of people! This way you can have a gorgeous round of cooking and split the costs all together.

    cookingwithhany

    Cooking with honey, I mean, Hany

    Big meals are much cheaper than cooking for 1. Life for a single gal not only comes with a price, it’s also pricey!

  • GO TO THE MARKET
    huling
    Why would you want to pay 3 euros for 1 avocado when you can pay 3 euros for a bunch of avocados? Der Genter Wochenmarkt (U-bahn Leopoldplatz) is an insider tip for your fruit and veggie fix. It has been a well kept secret for over 80 years now. Be prepared for some old fashioned market trader shouting as well as a big crowd of customers. You can find everything here from a new zipper to a vitamin boost. You can have a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice for 1 euro. Only open on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

 

 

 

  • FAST 
    Coming back to the ‘not eating part’ here. Actually that’s not a bad idea at all. I have done some research on the matter and there is compelling evidence that skipping one meal a day actually improves physical and mental health. There is a whole nutritional war going on right now aiming to bring down the breakfast lobby. It’s all just a bunch of marketing from Captain Oats and Tony The Tiger. I feel most energetic and productive in the morning when my body solely runs on black coffee. I have a whole storage cabinet of fat cells for my body to tap into, so I’m sure I won’t starve from skipping one meal a day.
  • DOWNLOAD ‘TOO-GOOD-TO-GO’ unnamed
    This is absa-fucking-lutely brilliant. It’s an app – you can download it in the German iTunes Store for free – where restaurants offer leftovers at a ridiculously low price. It’s a great way to cut down food cost as well as food waste and to be more sustainable in regards to the planet. Basically this app is doing everyone involved a HUGE favor.
  • EAT OUT
    This may sound a little contradictory but in most cases going out for dinner can be cheaper than buying ingredients and cooking a meal for 1. Compared to Antwerp, Berlin is much cheaper to eat out. You can easily find a big healthy meal between 4 to 7 euros. And there are so many healthy choices including a lot of vegan options. Vegan cuisine is big in Berlin. I get my vegan fix at VEGO in LychenerstraBe (Prenzlauer Berg). In this neighborhood there is a wide array of restaurants -especially Asian- who offer alternative vegan or vegetarian dishes. For vegan cocktails you must go to ‘Chaostheorie’ in SchliemannstraBe and on the corner with LettestraBe you have to swing by ‘Wohnzimmerbar’ for the vegan soup of the day or a nice soy latte. Creative, cute and cozy! My favorite work spot to date! Speaking of dates….

    (Left: vegan burgers at VEGO; Right: cozy outings at Wohnzimmerbar)

  • GO ON A DATE !
    If chivalry isn’t dead, you will be golden with this one. Meet a guy for drinks, have a nice talk and maybe go for a little bite to eat, charm him with your magical charming wand and before you know it he picks up the tab and you don’t have to spend one nickel. It happened to me twice already, and I wasn’t even doing it on purpose. Every time I went out, the guy picked up the tab. It was twice at Kreuzburger though… which usually doesn’t cost more than 5 or 6 euros. Tofu burgers cost a little bit more than meat ones :-p
  • LAST BUT NOT LEAST: ALWAYS KEEP EYES AND EARS OPEN
    A good insider tip might just be one station away…bestplace-berlin-amen-01

If you stick to these basic ‘budget hacks’ you will hardly burn through your daily allowance. When this is the case I like to treat myself to a yummy coffee somewhere… Preferably with a little side order of brain food.

There is always money for a little comic relief. 
“Swallow me whole”, that’s exactly what that vegan bowl at ‘the Commonground’ said to me later that night! 

If you want to check all of this out for yourself: there is currently an amazing offer to come to Berlin practically for FREE!

Picture 2017-09-27 om 17.41.28

3 days in a 4 star hotel including breakfast (that damn breakfast lobby) for only €49,50! @vakantiepiraten.nl

Come and live FREE with ME next to the SPREE!

It is such a GREAT city!! ❤ ❤ ❤

XO

The S C A M

(***Attention: this could be my blondest and defo most clueless post to date.)

So these last few months I have been cooking up a plan. Like I always do.

Several weeks ago I had put up a message on Facebook stating I was looking for a fever cabin to pursue a new adventure.

dullboy

The main goal of it all was to move out of Antwerp, take my job with me, and live somewhere I could write and live at the same time. It could be Belgium, but then I started considering the bigger picture.

There were a few things that worked in my advantage:

  • My roommate gave up the lease of his apartment and went to live with his lover which meant I had to move out anyway
  • The roaming costs abroad suddenly got cancelled which means you can make phone calls to and from Europe without a financial hangover. (Well… it depends how much of course)
  • I started up my own business which basically means I can take my writing all over the world…

Picture 2017-06-13 om 21.19.20

The borders had been lifted and I suddenly remembered me being in Canada talking to my good friend Audrey. We had just celebrated Christmas and the New Year was a couple of days shy. I told her I wanted to live in Berlin for a couple of months.

You: “Berlin? Why Berlin?”

Me: “Dunno. Just to be there and have a change of scenery…”

You: “Why not Barcelona or Bali…or…Barcelona?”

Me: “Because I’m a non conformist, an anti establishment hippie who needs distraction and action PREFERABLY from like-minded people and ESPECIALLY from men with neck and nuckle tattoos.”

help-me-lord-wording-knuckle-tattoos-for-guys

Yes…Help me.

So: After Canada I went back to Antwerp from where I pursued a career as an independent writer and I started making serious plans to set up base in Berlin.

I went for a short visit in June.

You probably remember the TRAVELING THREESOME POSTS from Berlin, don’t cha?

IMG_2656

So much fun ❤

And in July I took the BIG STEP and started looking for a room to move into.

You: “WoW it’s like you moved there in a blink of an eye!”

Me: “Not so fast…”

The universe decided to test me. BIG TIME.

Reality Check

I came in contact with someone who was subletting a room in Berlin.

ursula

We sent e-mails back and forth and I decided the time was right. I took the room, payed a deposit

yoloariel

but ended up… ROYAL F U C K E D.

shocked

The room turned out to be a scam.

It didn’t exist. Merely in my imagination and in the perfectly portrayed fairytale the so-called owner painted for me.

I lost a lot of money.

giphy (6)

You:  “How much?????”

Enough to pay for this giant Darth Vader head which costs…. Well if you can read the 4 digit number on the price tag you surely don’t have to visit an eye doctor …

IMG_4143

You:

casablanca

It was a setback. A massive one.

I couldn’t believe that ME, the so-called investigative journalist, could fall for a scam like that?

How blonde and clueless could one be??

janet_leigh_1

You: “So how did you found out it was a scam, Evvy?”

The name with which she…or he… operated is in fact an existing name and it belongs to a girl. A girl who got scammed whilst looking for a room in Munich. She had given her passport information and that’s when her identity was abused to scam other people. Including me.

Now, if you see me somewhere on the internet subletting rooms in Barcelona, Delhi or New York don’t pay me any deposit and report me to you nearest police station. Thank you.

I went through a terrible low after the scam. I lost so much money. Money I worked hard for as a fresh starter-upper. Money I won’t ever see again.

pennyhelp

After a few weeks time, my bank confirmed me that the account where I sent the money to was emptied and closed down. The lead had turn cold. The police couldn’t do anything either. They had to drop the case.

case closed

I was reconsidering my entire plan. But I wanted to go to Berlin so darn bad… It had been my New Year’s resolution. And I needed to find a new place to live anyway. Either in Belgium or somewhere else.

I decided to give it one more go. I wouldn’t let my dream be crushed by one bad person.

I decided to put up a message on a housing website stating I got scammed and I was wanting to give things a second chance.

berlinhousing

I got quite some response to my -let’s be honest: very sad- message. People were sending me photos of their refrigerator. Telling me I was welcome to stay for dinner. Also a lot of Indian guys responded to me, telling me they would be happy to comfort me *wink wink*.

But then I got a private message from a lady. A single mother of two. Who would start looking for a new room mate in a couple of weeks but decided to let me know I would be slightly in the advantage of becoming her new roomie.

Every cloud has a silver lining. That’s fo sho. And regarding that scammer: I sincerely hope KARMA is a ball busting bitch!

Barack Obama, Michelle Obama

The plan was still on. And I prepared for my big evacuation.

I made things official in the bar. They knew my final bar tending days were coming and I slowly but surely started planning and moving my stuff out of the apartment.

signedsealeddelivered

= > SHIPPING OUT

My last weeks in Antwerp were my best. I shared a goodbye beer with my favorite customer, went to the Pride with my two favorite men, went for a bike ride with dad and had a vegan pizza with mom!

 

 

I had a great time saying goodbye to my friends but I needed to move on. I had decided. So I persisted.

plane

I am now happy to tell you I am currently living in a wonderful very much existing room in the center of Berlin.

schliemann

My lovely street in P Berg! ❤

I am meeting lots of new people, discovering new places and things every day. And I am doing a lot of writing here.

For those of you who are in need of some juicy copywriting and/or storytelling or who want to help me earn my money back, I am open for business and happy to be of service right here in my Berlin office! CONSIDER THIS AS A GOOD CAUSE HELPING THE POOR! => www.eveliendelgouffe.com !

room

One of my many writing spots ❤

Thank you for reading and stay tuned!

flowersforlioba

XO

 

G-spot

(***Caution: just like the main image of this posts suggests, this read isn’t too elaborate in words nor content.)

So you might remember a little …

You: “Ahm Evvy, don’t we get an hello first?”

Me: “Err.. yeah… sure…. (…)”

Me: “Hello everybody!”

hello

You: “Hi Evelien!”

troy-mcclure

Me: “You might remember me from blog entries such as ‘Should the world turn Vegan: Yay or Nay?’, ‘Bitch don’t kill my vibe’ and ‘G I R L B O S S‘.

Well today, I’m going to elaborate on that last one in line since I am officially …

A Girl-BOSS!

That’s right I have found my G-spot.

That blog entry (click to read) was a wake up call and forced me to look at my inevitable future entrepreneurship. But I was completely clueless. How to deal with entrepreneurship anyway?

growingup

So I decided to take advice from the most notorious entrepreneur and current Pimp King of the United States:

donaldtrump

Mr. Donald TRUMP errybody!

hermione sarcasm

What did this goof.. -err ‘good’- man teach us about lady business?

That’s right: grab ‘m by the … <fill in the blank>… BINGO!

So that’s what I did. I grabbed my lady balls and sucked them up (…) I went in and applied for a full time independency. From employers, men, this WORLD!

I am an Independent Woman part 1.

Destiny-s-Child-in-Independent-Women-Part-I-music-video-destinys-child-30898151-400-225

Well, I need to pay a significant amount of taxes and social contributions in order to maintain that freedom (…)

carrie-bradshaw-typing

As from now I will be offering my writing skills to the world and its wide web.

You can cont(r)act me for all kind of writings as well as editing, storytelling, translations, advertising, articles, travel stories, columns, ghost writing, crossword puzzles … In Dutch AND in English!

Basically everything that requires the use of letters and words to bring YOUR message across.

emma-stone-nodding_lgcni4

This new life will enable me to expand my horizons and embrace my freedom whilst writing, traveling and kicking ass. The only things I need are a laptop, an internet connection, my two brain halves and an equal amount of hands. I can basically do this from all over the world.

THAT IS WHY:

I have currently set up office in BERLIN, GERMANY, where I will be available 24/7 !

THAT’S LONGER HOURS THAN YOUR FAVORITE SPÄTI ! (which means night shop in German)

I think I always knew this would be the next step for me. A year ago I sent my future self a letter from China with a clear message:

As if I was my own Doc, sending my own Marty McFly a letter from the past!

backtofut

So are you in desperate need of words? Then don’t be afraid to drop me a line through any of the following platforms:

www.facebook.com/blondeclueless

www.facebook.com/evelien.delgouffe

www.instagram.com/eveliendelgouffe

evelien.delgouffe@hotmail.com 

www.linkedin.com/in/eveliendelgouffe

OR MY BRAND NEW WEBSITE:

www.eveliendelgouffe.com !

Picture 2017-06-14 om 08.14.19

Let’s connect and find each other’s G-spots!

donaldtrump

***

=> NEXT time on the blog: I will tell you about HOW I ended up in Berlin and which OBSTACLES I had to overcome to get here. It’s gonna be W I L D!

XO

A cosplay special

Hello there intergalactic friends of the universe!

Today we are going to get crafty as I will tell you all about my BXL COMIC CON outfit and how I hand made it from scratch. Soon the result will be visible on my Instagram (instagram.com/eveliendelgouffe) and Snapchat ‘evdelgouffe’ but here I am going to take you through every step of the making so you can create your own DIY LEELOO FROM LUC BESSON’S THE FIFTH ELEMENT KICK ASS SUSPENDER ENSEMBLE. 

For a total cost of: 39,2 euros

WITHOUT ANY SEWING INVOLVED. 

sewing

Okay first off you need to :

  1. Browse the internet. 

Picture the character and how you can attain the look. You don’t want to start with a super chick dream image

leeloo

…and end up looking like this.

leeloofail

That just gnarly.

Get a good grasp of what the outfit consists off and what you already have in your closet that looks like the outfit and what stuff you still need to buy. Make a shopping list.

2. Visit your local crafts or carnival store and see what you can find.

Since I already owned:

  • black boots
  • white crop top

I bought:

  • golden leggings
  • orange hair chalk
  • 1 meter of orange felt fabric for the suspenders
  • black tape

3. GET STARTED

Start with the most important thing first. The centerpiece of your look.

I figured if all the rest would fail, there was one thing that would be indispensable to the  whole Leeloo look & feel and that is …

tumblr_maffjypgsz1r66u20o1_500

It’s an identification card/credit card/money card/etc all rolled into one. Pronounced as ‘Mooooltiee paaass’. You can find templates on the internet.

multipasstemplate

Just print one out in the appropriate size. If you have a lot of time on your hands you can even photoshop your own picture in there to make it that more real.

(Remember: nothing is real, it’s cosplay. But it feels damn good to walk this earth as a supreme being for one day.)

supremebeing

A) Multipass necessities:

  • a printer
  • a crayon
  • two pieces of cardboard
  • colored paper
  • an x-acto knife

20170222_143649

You can find a basic stencil on the net to make the cut out.

Re-use the stencil to add the more detailed elements.

20170222_152233

Borrow your father’s medication packages and use them as a button or a switch of some sort to add extra dimension.

medi

Tadaaa

20170222_162717

Congrats! You got yourself a Multipass! Looking at it from a distance (as in: from another planet) you will barely see the difference with the real one!

Total waste: 20170222_162851

Total cost: 0 euro since I found everything I needed around the house.

=> On to the next challenge: THE ORANGE SUSPENDERS

fifth-element-leeloo-cosplay-costume-version-01-002

B) Suspender necessities:

  • a tape-measure
  • orange material (I used orange felt. If you can’t find this, find another bendy fabric that you can spray paint)
  • an x-acto knife or a pair of scissors
  • a clear printed out picture of the lay out of the suspenders
  • a ruler and a ball point pen

First off: you need to measure yourself. Take measurements of your shoulders, waist and torso.

Take a sheet of paper to draw your exact outlines.

20170222_163917

Berliner is just my size.

Then draw the suspenders onto the paper using your measurements.

20170222_171921

Draw round circles where the wholes should be using a roll of sewing thread or any other round object.

Cut out the front piece. And use the same measurements to create the back.

20170222_173557

Try it on for size without tearing the paper.

See where it needs adjusting. As with me, the back part should be more narrow and elegant.

Use your pattern to cut it out on the fabric. I decided to do everything practically in one piece so you can just pull it over your head and attach the crotch with velcro tape. After all even supreme beings need to go to the toilet at one point.

Cut out the wholes. Velcro tape it together.

20170224_120025

Tadaaaa

20170225_084145

Congrats! You got yourself a pair of LEELOO SUSPENDERS!

Total cost: 8 euros for 1 meter of fabric, 1 euro worth of velcro tape.

=> Next step: THE LEELOO LEGGINGS!

leggings

C) Legging necessities:

  • a pair of light brown, beige or golden leggings
  • thin black tape
  • wide black tape
  • glue

Chances you will find ‘pret à porter’ leggings like these are slim but with a minimum of effort you can create a great pair of Leeloo leggings.

Put your leggings on for size and keep the thin black tape in reach.

Start from the bottom of your legs and pull the tape all the way up your hip bone. Contour your knees. Take the leggings off and use glue (preferably a hot glue gun) to keep the tape in place at all times.

Now take the wider piece of black tape to create a belt.

Done & Done

Congrats! You got yourself a pair of Leeloo leggings.

Total cost: 12,10 euros for the leggings and 10 euros for the black tape.

***

And now for the finishing touch: HAIR AND MAKE UP

HAIR: 

hair

I decided to go with my real hair because wigs tend to degrade the outfit and just look too fake. I cut my hair a couple of weeks prior to this event to generate a similar look.

Wash your hair, towel dry it roughly, comb it. Take multiple locks and run through it from top to end using the orange hair chalk which only cost me 2 euros/piece. Repeat this all over.

Then blow dry your hair to see the result.

Create dread like locks using gel and hairspray. I also used neon orange hair paste (4,10 euros) to highlight some of the locks.

MAKE UP: leeloomakeup

The make up should be relatively ‘au naturel’. Don’t over powder yourself. Keep your skin light and pale. Use eyeliner, mascara and maybe a set of fake eye lashes. Keep the lips in a natural shade of apricot or pink. Don’t forget to keep the eyebrows as light as possible. I decided to use some orange fake eyelashes to give my overall look that extra supreme-ness.

lashes

ACCESSORIES:

You can add cuts and blood if you want to go for the more ‘battered and bruised Leeloo’.

leeloohurt

Or you can even go for the non-waterproof mascara autowash Leeloo.

12-the-fifth-element-revealed-leeloo-shower-gif

With a brown ball point pen or marker you can also add a tattoo on your right wrist containing the four elements: earth, air, fire, water.

fifthelementtattooframecapturesmaller

Now all there’s left to do is catch up on the Leeloo lingo and you’re good to go!

°°°A little trivia to the Divine Language:

The “Divine Language” spoken by Leeloo was invented by director Luc Besson and further refined by Milla Jovovich, who had little trouble learning and developing it, as she was already fluent in 4 languages. The language had only 400 words. He and Milla held conversations and wrote letters to each other in the language as practice. By the end of filming they were able to have full conversations in this language.

Before we move over to some useful catch phrases, it wouldn’t hurt to remember your entire name which is:

nameleeloo

Now all together:
Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat. 

Got it? Good. Then now you’re ready for the final step: The Supreme being glossary:

‘Apipoulaï!’: Hello

‘Big ba-dah big boom’: to make a splashing entrance

‘Eto akta gamat’: Never without my permission -> which could come in handy with all those gropey pervs at comic cons.

‘San agamat chay bet envolet’: The case was stolen

‘Cornelius, ikset-kiba. Me imanetaba oum dalat’: Don’t worry,  I know exactly where they (the stones) are.

‘Dot’: There

‘Danko’: Thank you.

‘Domo danko’: Thank you very much.

Domo danko for reading and sharing !

meprotectyou

(This post was powered by Carnival stores ‘Las Fiestas’ (Aalst) and ‘Liebaut Feestartikelen’ (Aalst))