Korsakoff’s syndrome , also known as Korsakoff’s disease, is a persistent memory disorder which is primarily caused by vitamin B1 deficiency, usually due to too little varied food by chronic alcohol abuse . It is characterized by disorientation, especially in time , disorders, in particular short-term memory and confabulation.
In layman’s terms: The severe memory loss you develop when overindulging on alcohol.
The time has come you guys. Ever since I came back from my travels I’ve been going home every night smelling of stale beer and sweat. Dazed and confused.
Tired. Falling asleep on my couch watching Comedy Central. Or worse: Spike TV.
I’ve hit rock bottom alright.
I spend most of my days in the bar.
You: “Gee Evvy how did it come this far? I never considered you to be an alcoholic.”
Me: “Me? Oh I don’t drink. I just stick to water, coffee, ginger juice and brownies. Plain brownies. Not the ones Martha Stewart baked in prison.”
You: “But I don’t get it, then why do you say you go home smelling of beer? All dazed and confused?”
Me: “Because I work in a bar dummy. You’re currently looking at the new barmaid of Korsakov. The coolest -and most ‘colorful’- bar in town. It attracts some interesting specimens I can tell you that. And ‘men’ in general.”
Owner: “Gee, ever since I hired you the café is filled with guys. It’s like they’ve never seen a female bartender before.”
It’s like that time when Buffy left Sunnydale to live in that shitty apartment, making ends meet by working as a waitress and changing her name into Anne!
Relax. It’s all temporary. And it’s all for a good cause.
You: “Oh you’re donating your earnings to charity?”
Me: “Err, no. I’m saving up for a new challenge.”
You: “A boob job???”
Me: “No perv, my tits are fine. I did the pencil test…”
Although it is a great idea for my tip jar…
No, I’m very comfortable in my skin and feel very blessed to be walking around in this goddess body Mother Nature bestowed on me. And it’s nice to see I am still very much in control of my mind and bodily functions.
…Which is more than I can say for some of the customers.
Weird dude: “Hey Anne could you pour me another Duvel. It’s only my sixth one today.”
Me: “My name is Evelien.”
“And its only 11.30 am…”
Weird dude: “Well I’ve been awake for almost six hours. I went to bed at 4.30 and got up at 6. It’s okay I usually drink 18 Duvels a day.”
Weird dude: “So you’re still in school?”
Me: “Err; no.”
Weird dude: “Then why do you work here? “
Me: “Because I want to.”
Weird dude: “Waw, you’re weird.”
I just got called weird by the weirdest guy on this planet :
Weird dude: “What’s your name again?”
Korsakoff’s syndrome. Told ya.
You: “Well the weird guy does have a point there, Ev. Why do you work there? You got excellent qualifications, you graduated with distinction, your IQ is above average, one year ago you were the perfect ivory to will.i.am’s ebony…
…Not to be rude or anything but you can do way better than this.”
Me: “Look, don’t feel bad for me guys, I choose to work here. It keeps me grounded. It pays the bills and it gives me time to gain some perspective, look at things from a different point of view, put my priorities in order and think of all the things I want to achieve before I’m 30 and after. I’m coming up for air. And it’s actually working out really well for me.
I’ve been feeling super energized. For the first time in a long time I feel like I can finally breathe again. I’m not on my case anymore. I’m working, making money, contributing to society. And I’ve actually been creating a lot of cool stuff.
You: “So tell us about that new challenge you’re saving up for?”
Me: “Well it’s still a secret but I can say it’s a physical challenge. But my body is far from fit yet.”
You: “You finally realized you belong in the porn industry?”
Me: “Yuk no! Why has this always have to be about S-E-X??”
You: “Slaying vampires?”
Me: “I wish! Been wanting to do that since I was 10.”
You: “Oh I know! You’re going back to China?”
Me: “Unfortunately no, even though I dream about my Shifu commanding me to do Russian push ups every night…<3”
He would so much enjoy using that staff to punish drunken customers. Not that I dislike alcohol or people how drink or anything.
I do -very rarely- enjoy a shot of tequila after a hard shift. With a side of …. UH OH
But I do steer away from the alcohol demon as much as I can. I’ve seen what it does to people. And it’s not pretty.
And of course Beyoncé is so drunk in love she can’t even spell right.
Or remember she took a shit in the kitchen.
What I’ve realized over my short career of bartending, is that there’s always a reason to drink. Some drink to celebrate. Some drink to make something happen. Others -and they’re quite the majority unfortunately- drink to forget.
To forget their dad abandoned them when they were a kid. To forget their girlfriend left them for some other dude. To forget they have financial trouble. A dead end job. To forget the prison they’re living in.
And who can blame them? It is tempting to lighten the burden with bourbon.
But reality is: life has got us all by the throat. Everybody is looking for their cup of happiness. But maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to find if we wouldn’t raise the bar on ourselves that much.
It’s like in ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’. We go looking for the perfect cup. With emeralds and gold, …. the whole shebang. But it’s the simplest cup which carries the purest happiness.
My glass is filled to the rim these days. With my own (non alcoholic) brew. Now, it’s only a first draft so things can still curdle, but I discovered the perfect way to perfect acceptance and happiness is to sometimes just stand still. Nakedly exposed, for everyone to take a good look at you. And you allowing them. Without fear of failure.
I’ve realized: If you want to succeed in life, you shouldn’t be afraid to fail.
Not being scared to occasionally fall on your face is the way to put life check mate.
Life is a game of chess, I’ve said it before. And I will say it again.
There’s nothing wrong with standing still or even taking a few steps back if it helps you to jump further in the long run.
For now, I decided for myself: I don’t have to be achieving 24/7.
I choose to underachieve.
And it feels great. Incredibly liberating even! It definitely beats trying to be someone you’re not or desperately achieving someone else’s crazy high standards and feeling miserable over it.
Nobody is perfect and still we demand ourselves to be a perfect 10 every day. In order to be acknowledged. By ourselves. And by our surroundings. To be something other than just a brick in the wall. A plant. Or maybe a pretty flower.
Well in order to become that. To rise above your feeding ground. You have to let the seed grow. And all that requires is three basic ingredients. Air. Patience. And water*.
*Nope, sorry, no alcohol.
And for what it’s worth. This is a quote I found on the toilet wall in the bar:
“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it never was.”
If this doesn’t sober you up for the better, I don’t know what will.
KABLEWY! Blonde/Clueless has it’s own business cards! What do you think guys? Isn’t this kick you in the nuts damn right fantastic?!